Liberation of the Eroding Soul

Why Do I Have the Niggling Feeling of Shooting Myself in the Foot Again?!?!

2011-07-12T22:00:00.004+08:00

First Huishan, then Mei and now maybe Audrey.... OMG!!!! Save me~

I know I am fricking terrible when it comes to choosing girlfriend but I honestly thought I'd turned the corner when I got together with Audrey. Considering all the coincidental events leading up to us being attached, I couldn't help but think that we were fated to be an item. In fact, I still hold that belief to a certain extent. The problem is, the waning faith in what I wanna believe.

If I were a 20 year old Avan, perhaps I could get myself lost in the heady days of dating and honeymoon and not give too much thought to recent events. Sadly, I am not a 20 year old Avan, far from it for crying out loud! Watching her resting beside me while typing this entry really melts my heart. All so vulnerable and innocent, makes me wanna protect her for the rest of my life. However, pple dun normally behave like how they look. I am one hell of a perfect living example! For all the talk on how beng I look, I dun behave like one and too cultured to be one. The same applies to her. Many think she's sweet and guai but nope, she definitely isn't. If I could put it this way, she's just like my dog, Chloe - a hyperactive Jack Russell cooped up at home, not having enough fun. We all know what happens when u let loose a Jack Russell starved of space and freedom.

In another word, my gf is really playful even when she doesn't look like it. Well... I more or less expected something like dat. She's still relatively young at the age of 21. I dun expect her to be too matured. Everyone needs a lil fun from time to time. However, it's how you strike a balance that defines you as a person. In this context, I'm referring to how much fun should an attached party have to be deemed as appropriate. Obviously, my previous ex-gfs pretty much failed miserably in this aspect. I am not saying Audrey is as bad as them but frankly speaking, I see both a lil of both Huishan and Mei in her. When I say something like that, it's certainly no compliment. Those close to me should know how kangtao my ex-gfs were.

You can say you love someone so much and dun wanna lose him/her but on the other hand, ogle at an opposite gender like your soul had been taken really diminishes, or even obliterate any credibility you possess. Such a thing brings me back to the days when I had to endure Mei's overt flirtation with other guys, totally oblivious to my presence. Thinking back, I am amazed at how I was able to put up with such nonsense. Some time back, I told myself I wouldn't let myself go through this kinda shit no more. I dun deserve this kinda treatment. Hell No!!! Saying Audrey did something like dat would be accusing her of something she's not guilty of. Having said so, she did commit something similar of a lesser severity. I really dun wanna elaborate no more coz I am honestly tired of doing so. Some pple, especially her female frenz, might actually think I'm being paranoid and making a mountain out of a molehill. AUdrey probably thinks the same but I am not gonna back down from my stance. This time round, I am not being unreasonable or whatsoever. Try to sit yourself down and put yourself in my shoe, you'd eventually know what I m saying. If you have such poor imagination till the extent that you couldn't visualise, then get someone that matters to you to behave the way she did and inflict the pain on you.

When words fail, you have to resort to action in order for others to see a clearer picture. When contemplating taking action or executing action, energy is drained from the thinking, planning and execution. It leaves even the strongest weak and feeble. In truth, I really feel I am too old to be playing games like dat. When someone ain't worth it, there's no point wasting time and effort.

Ideally, I would love for everything to be fine, ya know like no kangtaos. Unfortunately, it's not down to myself. I'm only human and I have my limitations. Thankfully, I kept to my word and spent her 21st Bday with her. If anything were to happen from here on, I wouldn't look back in regret. At least I am able to tell myself that I tried being a good bf and kept to my promise of celebrating her bday with her. I still love her and wanna spend the rest of my life with her but words like that count for nought these days. Keeping my fingers crossed and may fate decide a path for us....

Busy Busy February!!!

2011-01-26T01:13:00.002+08:00

Come 28th this month, I will be 27 years of age:( Hai~ I honestly dread growing older as it means more responsibilities and commitments but I guess it's a natural and inevitable process for all normal human beings.

It's the time of the year when I need to comfort myself by acknowledging it as nothing more than a chronological thingy, as such also something sorta physical. Spiritually and emotionally, I can still remain as young as an adolescent:-) I always believe that exuberance should never die with age. If you ever allow that to happen, it'd probably be a downward spiral in such dynamic times with almost every aspects of life constantly changing.

Considering my birthday is towards the end of January, it kinda ushers in CNY and Valentine's Day. For many years gone by, this period had always been busy even when I didn't have to bother bout Valentine's Day. This year, it's even more so given my tentative Valentine's Day date with 娃娃. I'm really really looking forward to it after a long self-imposed forbearance in courtship. Having said so, it undoubtedly weighs heavy on me:( All my life, I haven't really gotten many chances to plan and spend Valentine's Day with someone special. Bizarrely, I was normally single during February ever since I started dating. Simply speaking, I don't really have much experience in this field:( What if I fail to impress??? Hai~

After Valentine's Day, I have Daphne's wedding to attend. Planning on bringing 娃娃 along:-) It would mark my 1st time bringing a date for such an occasion if she agrees on joining me. The thought of it fills me with excitement but at the same time, anxiety. Can't stop wondering how it would pan out... I'm paranoia personified so just pardon me ya. I guess it's a way of keeping myself on my toes.

With so many events coming up, I would really love to put exams in the backburner but I can't. It just bothers me to no end coz the pressure to perform well is greater than ever!!! All along, I have great expectations of myself and when I was younger, I had met or even surpassed them. Without my mum breathing down my neck, to a great degree, I inadvertently allowed myself to overlook them for many years. Once again, there's someone to give me the kick up my backside and it's certainly most welcomed. At the same time, it is instilling the fear of me failing to scale the upper echelons of academic and subsequently corporate environment. Painstakingly, I am reminded that I used to be the creme de la creme of my cohort. I am reminded that I relish being at the top and receiving all the accolades and plaudits, and I despise playing 2nd fiddle. I cannot afford to languish in the doldrums with so many big dreams - penthouse, 1 carat proposal ring, lavish wedding, shareholder of Man United etc. OMG!!! The pressure is immense! If I crumble under, everything would probably go up in smoke...

Hold my hand and ride it with me. A future with you is worth forging and may we see our dreams come to fruition...

For a Moment, I Thought I Was in a Rubbish Dump:(

2011-01-14T02:49:00.002+08:00

Tio my 2nd kangtao at Woodlands Checkpoint yesterday evening due to a noob shit taxi driver!!! Told him we wanted to go to the checkpoint and I suppose he thought we meant every sense of the word! He fricking drove us to the designated lane for civilian cars to enter Malaysia and panicked coz he realised he couldn't alight us there and he didn't have his passport with him! Flustered, he stopped the taxi in between 2 lanes, holding up numerous cars behind us. Me being me, I told him we were gonna alight since I didn't want the taxi fare to skyrocket. Even though I saw the "No Alighting" sign, I figured staying in the cab wouldn't do us any good either so I gathered everyone and alighted.

Without even covering 20 metres, we saw this plump malay policewoman waving vigorously, almost hysterically, signalling us to get back into the cab while she walked towards us. As if her actions weren't palpable enough, she was screaming at us to get back. Seeing how agitated she was, I knew straight away that we were in hot soup:( No doubt we were walking in an area where pedestrains are not allowed, I felt her actions were uncalled for. Why scream and shout when a simple explanation would suffice!!! We're no dumbass k, unlike the taxi driver! She must be suffering from early onset of menopause, causing her hormones to be imbalanced. Rather pissed with her for freaking out my 娃娃! Knnn!!! If not for that probable 20 seconds of fame due to all the cameras zooming in on us, there's a high chance I would've argued with her. In fact, I was all set to go after getting 娃娃out of the line of fire, safely behind me.

Soon, the cab was escorted into the parking area and we were duly detained in the ICA office for trespassing into a secure and protected zone. Honestly speaking, it was merely an honest mistake and it's gravelling that we were detained for close to 2 hrs for such a trivial offence. Apart from myself who has an unfortunate resemblance to the likes of hooligan, what could a senile greyed hair uncle, botak NS guy and a lovely petite gal conjure that associates with terrorism?!?! What?!?! The uncle removing his shoes and flinging them ard (will touch on this a lil later); HH smuggling a SAR21 out of tekong and go on a shooting rampage; or 娃娃petrifying everyone with her adorable wink??? I know we need to be vigilant and stuff in such climate but rationality should prevail sometimes.

For a short period of 15 minutes or so, we thought the office was a rubbish dump. The stench of rotting salted fish enveloping the whole atmosphere in the office, almost as deadly as HH's renowned farts. LOL!!! Deodorant and perfume were quickly utilized to mitigate the situation a lil but it was to no avail. Even rodents could have passed out from that very stench! Fortunately, I had some training before from HH's fart and it certainly came in handy. I did a quick scan of the whole office to find the source and initially, I thought it was from outside as the door was ajar. Nope... The ajar door was just a deception. The culprit was the taxi driver! Bloody hell!!! Removing his shoes in the office like nobody's business. Why do we even need tear bomb or smoke bomb?!?! I think we should just amputate his feet and use them as grenades. I reckon Bruno Mars would have been proud to use them as props for his "Grenade" MTV. Haha!!!

Having concluded the source of the stench, I informed HH and 娃娃. I believed the uncle read our body language and eventually wore back his shoes. Oei uncle, you fricking took bout 15 mins to notice our body language, slow or what sia!!! Slower la, we song mah~ Just for your info, it never come across my mind to compensate you more cab fare, not after what you put us through. Put ur nose at HH's ass and inhale deeply when he farts and only then, I would consider compensating you the 40 bucks you incurred while being detained. Lol!!!

Anyway, this debacle wasn't a sign of what to follow for the rest of our JB outing. Personally, the trip couldn't have been better when you throw some sniffing, interlocking fingers and a peck on the lips into the mix. Hehe:-)

Perhaps I Played the Wrong Card...

2011-01-12T01:37:00.002+08:00

FML!!! I feel so guilty....... It's something I don't normally do and somehow, I contrived a plan which backfired, BIG TIME!!!

The truth just added salt to insult and compounded to my misery. I am too naive, I really do... If I had stayed pessimistic right from the start, at least 2 parties would have been happier. Kiang lor! Chong beng lor! Serve me right for getting too ahead of myself!!!

What is Avan Tan now?!?! Fricking nothing for crying out loud! Oh no, I am a lowly lifeform clouded by complacency, impairing my ability to think. Yes! That's exactly what I am:(

I normally think a lot, more often than not, too much for my own good. Having said so, I always arrive at the likeliest of scenarios due to my analytical capabilities. If I hadn't deviated from my original analysis, I wouldn't have suffered such a cold hard fall.

I concede defeat....

Early Days of 2011 Are Promising:-) Is 2011 Gonna Herald a New Beginning???

2011-01-05T01:22:00.002+08:00

5th day into a new year and I must say I am really enjoying 2011 so far. Although the KL trip wasn't as fun as the Taiwan trip, probably due to the absence of my bro and the presence of his stand-in, with Jol and SQ ard, it couldn't be that dull. In sum, it was still a good trip even though I was on a really tight budget. At the very least, I can now say that I've been to all the Zouks - SG Zouk, KL Zouk and Zoukout. Hahaha!!! Not a bad way to start off a new year...

In no uncertain terms, I believe the underlying factor for such a good start has to be a certain gal. Perhaps some guys might think that it's so pathetic to let a single gal define a man's happiness but personally I beg to differ. She's not just any gal, if you catch my drift. Lol!!! Not many gals have left a mark in my life coz I'm not that sort of guy who allows such a thing. So far, only Huishan and Mei really had some kinda impact, albeit adverse ones. I have always been crying out for the one who would come in and start to make a positive change. To be frank, it's still early days to tell but till now, the signs are pretty positive:-)

Have been spending loads of time with her lately and it certainly feels good, discounting the occasional emo spells that she put me through. The most emo being the one in KL. I felt as if I went back through time on a time machine, almost losing my sanity! Thankfully, I was able to retain my composure. If not, Ken sure kana 100X jialat jialat from me. LOL!!!

Unfortunately, there are definitely some issues to be addressed. She's wondering how a relationship could last 7-8 years and eventually progress into a blissful marriage when there are so many temptations around, with gearing divorce rates justifying her worries. Hehe... A bit of quoting here. First thing first, a relationship isn't always gonna be in a honeymoon period especially when it's long, super duper long. A relationship is very dynamic, it evolves into different stages as time passes. Before you know it, it has gone from honeymoon to more like a habit. That's when both parties need to put in effort to spice things up from time to time in order to sustain it. Nobody likes a stale and mundane kinda relationship rite!

However, for a relationship to smoothly enter the habit phase, both parties need to be very comfy with each other. As I like to put it, no barrier. To attain no barrier sorta scenario, both parties gotta know each other inside out and outside in. This is the reason why I wanna go look her up after her facial; I wanna go look her up after she's done helping her parents; I wanna spend time studying together with her; meet up with her frenz and get to know them; share a drink with her even though she thinks that it's quite disgusting after how she always bite the straw and etc. The bottomline is that you have to integrate the other party into your life and vice versa. Only way you are able to do that is to accept his/her flaws, friends and family. Hence, in my opinion, there should be no such thing as unglam or any of that bullshit coz when 2 become 1, you love the other party for who she/he is and what not.

This process of integration also acts as a deterrent to infidelity, at least from my perspective. I feel that one that is rational and mature enough wouldn't wanna jeopardize a relationship whereby one could be herself/himself and still feel so comfy for a short temporary high octane new honeymoon period with another person. No doubt honeymoon is fun and all but is it gonna be able to progress into the next phase? Is the new person gonna be able to accept all your flaws? Even if he/she is able, how long more is it gonna take? If it were up to me, I seriously wouldn't wanna put myself through all these shit. Simply a waste of both time and effort. Sadly, for my previous 2 relationships, I didn't have the say. My 2 ex-gfs probably felt they have the luxury to try out a few more times. They wanna play the game. Well... Go ahead I would say to them coz I m tired of games.

So yup, I am trying really hard to integrate her into my life even though I dun really know if she's keen. Haha!!! I hope she does:-) Let's hope she would do likewise....

If Only I Could Split Myself Into Two...

2010-12-27T03:57:00.002+08:00

A X'mas gathering without turkey and logcake is never complete. Even so, Fmus1's own-made quiche more than made up for the absence of a logcake. The gathering at Ang Heng's place a couple of days ago was indeed a pleasant with most of the Gee Meng Hock members being present and a decent assortment of delicacies.

I honestly thought I would missed out on the gathering this year due to work. I didn't even prepare a present for the gift exchange for crying out loud. Well... Amanda isn't my Fmus1 for no reason. She's like 1 in a million kinda fren. So sweet of her to bring an additional present on my behalf for the gift exchange. If not, I probably wouldn't have gone coz gift exchange has kinda become a tradition for the clique. Thanks Fmus1!!! Oh ya, whoever chose my present for me got me a computer mouse! A most welcomed gift considering the state my current mouse is in. All in all, I enjoyed the company of my peeps, the food and pretty much everything to do with the gathering. The only sad note is I didn't get the chance to have a proper chat with Timbre:( Fret not Fmus1, the chat is merely postponed. The chat is inevitable as far as I'm concerned since it involves your future happiness.

Having said what I have mentioned bout the gathering, there's no denying the fact that there's actually another place I would wanna be at that moment. Too bad there's only one Avan but this only Avan seriously did wanna go to the far far west. If only I could be at 2 places at the same time, my joy would have been doubled. Let's keep our fingers crossed that I wouldn't be facing this sort of conundrum in the coming years...

My Yuletide Is Not So Gay:-(

2010-12-25T06:15:00.002+08:00

Working on X'mas Eve really sucked big time!!! Watching others enjoying the gaiety of the occasion and partying away only dampened my mood. As if that's not enough, I just couldn't stop thinking bout her. For a few hours, my mind kept wondering whether she's home already; whether she's resting well after a long day; whether she had some last min impromptu meeting with her fren or frenz, while my body continued with my bartending duties. It's almost as if my mind was disconnected from my body. It's mind-boggling how I even managed that but I just did.

I have been telling myself that I am able to retract as and when things start going awry but I can no longer deceive myself. I concede I'm well and truly smittened by her... On my part, it's still too early to tell if it's a good or bad thing since I am no mind-reader. What I do know is my defence mechanism is in the process of going into overdrive!!! The only thing that entails is a complete shutdown...

Following the shutdown, the system will reboot itself. Reboot itself to which state, that I have no idea. In truth, I'm not dying to find out coz my hunch tells me that it's gonna be ugly...

上海娃娃....

2010-12-24T09:27:00.002+08:00

I should be in lalaland by now after having bathed and stuff but if I didn't post this entry, perhaps I wouldn't be able to sleep so well in a while. It's just something that I have to get out of my system...

As some of you should already know by now, I'm currently working as a bartender at Shanghai Dolly. Up till last night, I hadn't brought any frenz to check out the place or having frenz visiting me at work on their own accord. For the 1st time, I, myself, brought a fren to Dolly. I thought she might like the concept and certainly hope she wasn't disappointed by the experience. At the very least, I tried my best by treating her to a Flaming Mendi's Fav Car and Bacardi 151. I know my splurging on girls days were behind me but I still relish buying a drink or two for someone I cherish or fancy.

Given she isn't a very good drinker that she claims to be, she got kinda tipsy after 3 drinks - Flaming Lambo, Vodka Cran (courtesy of Jin Zhong) and Bacardi 151. Maybe Santa was giving me an advance X'mas gift, I was able to invade her personal space due to the alcohol surging through her bloodstream. Before you even start to think the obscene, let me stop you right here and now!!! No doubt she was kinda vulnerable like a lost sheep, it never cross my mind to devour her like a blood-thirsty rabid wolf. I won't deny I had done some unglorious stuff in the past, deep down inside, I am seriously not a desperado scouring the dancefloor for drunkard chicks. I would say the only advantage I took of her was sniffing her hair, something I always do as a show of my affection to someone that I genuinely fancy. It certainly brought back a tinge of deja vu. Ya know, like all of a sudden, I was back in an all familiar place. A place of wanting to fall in love again. It's kinda paradoxical coz it brought fear along with warmth. In terms of my clique's lingo, this kinda paradox is known as "Kangtao". Lol!!!

How I wish I could just turn back the hands of time and go back to the days when I enjoyed courtships and relationships without having to think of the obstacles and pitfalls. I want to be optimistic but can I?!?! The harsh realities of life forbid me from doing. Once you let your guard down, you are fully exposed and susceptible to whatever kinda shit that's out there. If only I could have her as my 娃娃, things would be so very much easier. Nope! We dun live in a world of happily ever after. We live in a world of Oops! Sorry Avan, I think you have shit thrown right smack in ur fricking face!!! SONG BO! PANG BO! Hahahaha!!! Sad but true....

I shall retreat to my lalaland for now where I could enjoy my few hours of 娃娃time....

2010 in a Nutshell...

2010-12-17T15:53:00.002+08:00

It's that time of the year again, month of festivities and celebrations. As Christmas and New Year draw closer, they also herald the end of 2010...

Ask yourself my friends, "What have I accomplished or experienced in 2010?". I am certain everyone of you has gone through a wide spectrum events. Perhaps some of you with more trials and tribulations, while others are filled with more joyous occasions. Whatever it is, I think we should all look forward to 2011 coz personally, I have a feeling that it's gonna a year full of surprises and excitement.

On a more personal note, 2010 has been eventful for me to say the least. In terms of academic, 2010 officially marked the end of my highest qualification as an O'Levels holder and ascended me to an undergraduate with a Diploma in Business Administration. In case some of you haven't known, I'm doing Bachelor of Accountancy & Finance in SIM under University of London. So far, school has been fun due to the fact that I am blessed with the company of the 3 Avan's Angels - Puiling, Jolene and Audrey. Lol!!! I know in no uncertain terms that many guys in sch r envious of me. Sorry dudes, they are my Angels so come near them and I'd slash ur balls off with parang. Haha!!!

As for my job, I no longer work at the sleazy Ipanema. I am too cultured for a place like dat. Eh! Bo la, bo la, just kidding nia... I just wanted a change of environment. You peeps can see me concocting Flaming Lambos now at Shanghai Dolly. With a new workplace and sch, it's inevitable when it comes to meeting new pple. So far, I've acquainted myself with a few new frenz from work. Conversely, I haven't made any new frenz in sch, or hav I?!?! This Audrey la. She's also from SP but we took different majors. I already knew her name and stuff back then coz I thought she's the most attractive out of the 08 gals and my opinion hasn't changed. It was kinda like a coverted admiration hence, I didn't go all gung-ho and approach and chat her up. Not my style and never will be given what a shy guy I am. She had the "dao" face too which further deterred me from making any moves. Haha!!! As such, we never did talk back in our SP days. Yup, that's why I ain't sure if she falls under the new fren category. Actually it doesn't matter since I've always wanted to know her and I do now:-) I reckon that's more important.

2010 is also a year which I revisited both Taiwan and Zoukout. I am not going to deny there were some conflicts during the Taiwan trip considering the sheer size of the travelling group but all in all, I am certain that all of us had loads of fun barring claud. I so wanna go back to Taiwan soon!!!!!!!!! The same can't be said for Zoukout after all the major kangtaos leading up to it. All the "got tix, no tix" drained much of my enthusiasm. Worse still, compounding to my misery, I have no idea how I could lose my ticket before entering and made to pay a bloody 200 bucks to some fricking "ang moh" who was gloating bout how much profit he made from selling tix to desperate pple who couldn't get the tix through the proper channel. I was all prepared to go home coz I didn't wanna be held to ransom but my steadip frenz couldn't bear to see me go home and paid most of the 200 bucks. On hindsight, I was glad that I bought the 200 tix. If not, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy the company of my fellow zoukouters.

In sum, 2010 has been unkind to me with regards to monetary losses. 2 fines totally 500 bucks and then the zoukout fiasco. Hai~ It's ok. Who knows??? Perhaps 2011 is gonna be a "dua dua tan tan" year for me!

Oops! One Got Away...

2010-10-06T03:21:00.002+08:00

I dun care how many of you may beg to differ, I AM A GOOD SINGAPORE CITIZEN! To date, I've contributed a total of 500 bucks to the government. First to NEA then National Park, both being arms of the government. Tell me how am I not a good citizen when I'm just a poor student who have contributed 500 of my hard-earned money. Sobs sobs~

Good citizen aside, I am still a normal human being. Being normal means I have constraints. In the context of this entry, the constraint is the threshold of holding secrets. Just like a balloon, it burst when it's overly inflated. I won't say I've imploded but I cannot hold so many secrets and eventually I had to let one out. The crucial thing is which one did I let out. This issue threads along a fine line between trustworthiness and betrayal. Fret not, my friends, who have secrets with me. Being a fricking steadip fren as always, there's no way I would let your secrets be known. They're safe with me and always will be.

Even so, something had to go and inevitably, I had to let my own secret be known. By doing so, I am not betraying any frenz and at the same time, lightening the burden of bearing too many secrets at 1 time. Having disclosed my secret to a few frenz, I'm not too overly worried coz they r as steadip as me. Hahaha!!! I believe it's safe with them. In the event that it isn't, it doesn't really matter. In the light of recent events, it will count for nought in the foreseeable future. Anyway, the secret serves a purpose, it proves that I still hold onto something indelible.

"A flying book that flew across a few desks that caused a bleeding lips started it all...."

Hiatus is Over!!!

2010-09-27T04:02:00.003+08:00

Wow!!!!!! Finally the hiatus is over!!!!!!!

I must say this is partly to do with Ah Hui. Wait! Before you even think it's Huishan, it's definitely not....... Come on, dun be so shallow pls. I have friends with Hui in their names k. Have been reading her blog lately and it gives me some motivation to at least update my own.

9 months is quite a long period for me to backtrack on past events to detail on my blog so let's just keep it to the more recent.

In case some of you haven't known, I have graduated from SP and my highest qualification now is Diploma, no longer O'levels!!!!!! Having left it hanging years back, I've always wanted to finish what I didn't complete back then. Hence, this graduation is really really a great relief. Talking bout unfinished business, I've also resumed taking my bike lessons. I wonder if it's a sign, I'm steadily accomplishing my various goals 1 at a time. Steadip!!!!!!!!

Oh! The most important thing that I have to mention in this entry is that at least for once in my life, I'M AN UNDERGRADUATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's true that I didn't get into my desired university - NTU. At the very least, I'm doing the course that I want to at SIM. As long as I make the best out of this, the eventual outcome would probably still be the same. Although I haven't really gone into full throttle in terms of working hard in my studies, I managed to pass my bridging exams like I always do. Hahaha!!!!!! Not trying to be proud here coz it's really nothing to be proud of with just passes, just merely stating a fact. Hopefully it won't be too long before i really have something to be proud of to mention in my blog, and that's to get As for my modules.

I guess this is about it for this entry. Ur father is really tired after 3 days straight of giving tuitions and then 3 days straight of working at F1 and Ipa. I shall go take my long-awaited rest now...

PS: Hui ah, be strong k and may u find a steadip steadip BF soon. Yo sis, jiayou and meet up for dinner in sch soon. Grand lao bu, stay healthy in aussie land and good luck for ur exams. Bro HH, mai too garang in NS but also dun be too relac jack. Hope u r surviving well in army.

"Mondays With Psycho" Chapter 4 - The Invisible Caste System

2010-01-25T01:45:00.004+08:00

Not too far away from our homeland, there used to be a country governed by a rigid hierarchical caste system. Back then, it's almost impossible to move out of a particular class, one could only resign to fate and mingle in their own class. If you were fortunate enough to be born with a golden spoon in your mouth, you would lead a life blessed with riches. On the other hand, if you were languishing in the lower classes, you would be held in contempt and discriminated upon for the rest of your worthless being. Due to such a vast disparity in status and fortune, the differientiation was obvious; with the interclasses' relationships being boss and servant, or worse still, tyrant and slave. Although such a deplorable system has long since been abolished, it is still prevalent to a certain extent in India.

In comparison, Singapore now has a democratic government built on meritocracy. Democratic as it may be, meritocracy has constructed an invisible caste system that grips the lives of all Singaporeans. Instead of being based on one's family lineage, this invisible system scrutinizes one's academic results which are deemed as indicators of one's intelligence and likely determinants of one's future wealth. As a result, the population is being subconsciously segregated into classes of academic attainment. Consequentially, this invisible hand is pushing us towards materialism that is slowly devouring the morality that makes us human, causing us to forsake the fundamental pleasures of life. Gone were the days when you could enjoy the company of your family and friends without subconsciously comparing yourself with your siblings and peers in terms of academic achievement and/or income.

Inevitably, one would seek other forms of self-satisfaction to diminish their inferiority complex. For example, when you lose out in qualifications, you try to win by appearance........

Too fricking lazy to finish this entry. Lol!!!!!!!!!

Chocolates, chocolates and chocolates!!!

2009-12-26T06:23:00.007+08:00

It's the festive period of the year again!!!

Once again, I m not able to enjoy the gaiety of the occasion due to work commitments. Hai~ Sian half but what to do. Ur father gotta earn his living and that's the way it is.

Having said so, at least I gotta participate in my wrokplace's gift exchange which I was really disappointed in. Too many of my colleagues bought chocolates as their gifts and unfortunately, I received chocolates as my gift. U must be thinking that I dislike chocolates. NO! I don't. In fact, I love chocolates. I just find it too cliche to be giving chocolates on Xmas. No creativity or whatsoever to say the least. Something more practical would have been better. What's the point of a gift exchange if you dun put some effort into thinking what to buy!?!?!?

This brings me to my fast approaching bday. To whoever out there contemplating of getting me a bday present, pls give it some thought as to what I may like or perhaps something that I could use. In all honesty, I m kinda practical so dun waste your money if it's gonna be spent on something random and totally useless. I would rather you give me the money. In order to prevent such an episode from happening, I would like to propose a to-get list. Lol!!! Actually, on the top of my priority is a Porter waist/sling poach. Next will be a Porter wallet. I hope this helps in preventing a few brain cells dying for those planning to buy me a gift. Hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I Cried "Wolf" Too Many Times...

2009-11-02T23:08:00.003+08:00

Back when the H1N1 pandemic was at its heights, I became my mom. Writing numerous parents' letters in hope of getting an approval for my Leave of Absence, citing fear of H1N1 as the primary reason. Although I reckon most of them were rejected anyway.

Months have now past and I no longer write them anymore, or maybe I simply don't need to. After weeks of persistent coughing and a fever that comes and goes, I may have the real deal this time round after several attempts to cheat the system.

In all honestly, I am not overly perturbed by the possibility of contracting H1N1. To some extent, I am kinda excited bout it. Call me crazy or whatever you like. I dun really give a damn. Not many live to tell a story after contracting such an influenza. Wouldn't it be nice if I am one of them.....

Just in case I really contracted H1N1 and don't recover, this may well be my last entry so do let me upload some pics to lighten the mood a little.

Alvin's Farewell Gathering

Shia LaBurn & Mendi Fox with Blunderbee

My Cute Lil Tong Tong

After Dead Silence, Comes a Sudden Twist of Fate...

2009-10-31T03:21:00.004+08:00

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Omg!!! Ain't it awfully quiet in here! No updates, no pics, no nothing. Simply inactivity.

Hell! Where have I been for the past few weeks or maybe months?!?!?!?!?!?

Well~ Since it's halloween, maybe it's only fitting to start with an awful silence due to my sabbatical from blogging. As a matter of fact, the silence would have continued if I was at some halloween party but surprisingly, the party animal in me gotta lay low for some time yet.

So what exactly have I been up to lately? To be frank, it's the same old shit, ya know. Working, giving tuitions, schooling and falling sick. Yes, you saw it right. FALLING SICK!!!!!!!!!! Hai~ No doubt I've lost some mass over the months, I am still by no means a feeble wuss. I reckon it's a combination of factors that has taken its toll on my health.

Firstly, I haven't seriously worked out for maybe a year now. When I was attached, even if I didn't hit the gym regularly, there was still another form of workout I could engage in if you catch my drift. No exercise or whatsoever for such a long period of time is bad, real bad for health. Secondly, it has definitely gotta do with the 7-8 sticks of poison that I take everyday. Lastly, I haven't been sleeping well or eating well for the past few months. My biological clock is so screwed up that I could see an owl sometimes when I look into the mirror and bcoz of my haywired sleeping hours, I mostly only take 1 meal a day. Considering what a glutton I am, 1 meal a day is detrimental to say the least. If being healthy is in the pink of health, I would rate myself as a grey now.

Compounding to my misery, my new job isn't kind of helping with my sleeping hours. For those of you who haven't known, I am no longer working at Cafe Del Mar - heaven to those who enjoy the sun, sand, sea and a congregation of bikini-clad hot babes. Mostly due to financial reasons, I had to look for pastures new, or maybe old I should rightly put it. I am currently working at one of my previous workplaces with also loads of scantily-clad babes, albeit more sleazy in a sense. It's funny why and how I always have to work in an environment full of female presences. Perhaps this is destiny.... CRAP!!! Like I dig that kinda shit. I guess it's more appropriate to say it's in my blood to be surrounded by the opposite gender. If a human had 2 brains, no surprises which part of my anatomy the 2nd brain goes to. Lol!!! I know some of you must be eeeeeeing me. Like ya know, eeeeeee Avan this, eeeeeeee Avan that, so disgusting and stuff. STOP! You behave like that coz you ain't mature enough to embrace your own sexuality. Just like what SQ and Jol is learning in their psychology elective, human beings are about nothing but agression and sex. To be taught in a polytechnic tutorial class, it must be a scientically proven theory so dun debate it, rather, accept it. So you see for all the viewing pleasures I receive, sacrifices need to be made. The working hours are like 7-4am or 9-6am. Honestly speaking, it's more of the money than I being a voyeur for taking up the job and enduring the hours.

Enough said bout my new job or some psychology theory, let us now move to an extraordinary event of coincidence. I met Amy on the train while on the way to Yio Chu Kang just now! FYI, Amy was one of my flings. Meeting someone after so many years is coincidental but the incidents leading up to the meeting made it even more out of the world. Ok, long story short. Benny and I were heading to the SOmerset station after watching "Jennifer's Body". (The movie sucks!!!!! If not for a certain Megan, I would have left the theatre mid-way through.) We were supposed to go back to my place to be picked up by Ang Heng for Kumar's supper treat. At Somerset station before boarding the train, Lulu called to inform us that we couldn't take Ang Heng's car since it's fully packed so we needed to take his instead. That meant we had to meet Lulu at Yio Chu Kang instead of meeting Ang Heng at my place. Strangely, we boarded the train heading towards City Hall rather than the one heading towards Jurong East. We were probably too fixated on taking the train to Dhoby Ghaut to switch to the NEL to go Serangoon or maybe behaving like seat grabbing aunties that we totally didn't realise we were on the wrong train until we reached City Hall. We hurriedly alighted and switched to the north-south line heading towards Jurong at City Hall. Upon boarding the train, my razor sharp auntie seat detacting sensor locked on to a vacant seat and I was there sitting down in a flash. If I hadn't acted like an auntie, I wouldn't have been able to notice Amy who was sitting right opposite of me. My point is, if you rewind the series of events, I wouldn't have met her if we stuck to our original plan of meeting Ang Heng instead of Lulu; even if meeting Lulu was the original plan, I wouldn't have met Amy had we not taken the wrong direction; and finally even the original plan was to meet Lulu and we had taken the wrong train under the most unusual of circumstances, I wouldn't have seen Amy if I didn't rush to the only vacant seat as we would have just st00d by the door and be totally oblivious to the surroundings.

I am gonna contradict myself a lil coz as much as I dun believe in destiny, I do feel compelled to believe that certain things are fated in life. Seeing a slice of your past does bring a sense of deja vu. Hai~ If only I had kept her by my side, she would probably have made a good gf. Too bad,too bad...

Foray into LSB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-20T03:13:00.001+08:00

TIO LA!!!!! BO TAI BO JI WASTED 30 BUCKS!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!

Hai~ Somehow, in a way or another, I got conned into going to this LSB (lup sup bar for the uninitiated) to meet a colleague's fren who's doing MLM.

Yes, I am guilty as charged as one of those who made fun of mendi's LSB exploits. Even so, I dun deny the fact that I would like to experience it at least once. Having said so, I didn't want my first foray to happen like that, in the company of complete strangers barring one, under those kinda circumstances.

To make matters worse, I already told my colleague that I didn't want a hostess to keep me company given how uncomfortable I was feeling with so many unfamiliar faces staring at me. Before I could even bail myself out of the stifling atmosphere, what I dreaded most happened to transpire.

A voluptuous TKB (Tiong Kok Bu) with bosoms squeezed to the brink of explosion, armed with kevlar thick make-up and clad in contour accentuating tight cleavage exposing dress sat beside me with barely 1 millimetre of space apart. Wow!!! A lesser man would be staring at her you know where non-stop.

As I wasn't prepared for her entrance and never wanted her company in the first place, I kept my eyes and hands off her and gave her the cold shoulders. In all honesty, I was a lil tempted to you know but I seriously seriously didn't wanna spend money. Unperturbed by my nonchalance, she started making her move on me by invading my privacy or should I say outraging my modesty. Lol!!! With one hand caressing my thigh and the other pouring drinks for me, it was apparent that she was trying her very best to induce me into action by getting me high and aroused. Sorry lady, you chose the wrong client at the wrong place at the wrong time. If you were my gf, I could've and would've done it in a heartbeat. Too bad! Hanky-panky with a charge of 30 bucks under the scrutiny of pple I barely even know is an absolute no-go for me. Sian half, she finally decided to leave the room and seek for pastures new.

Since I was already there, I tried my best to put on my fakest facade and socialise a lil here and there by playing pool and having a few drinks. Sensing a wee bit of weariness; and a hell lot of discomfort in my eyes from the chimney like room, I decided to take my leave. It was then when my colleague dropped the bombshell. "Avan, wait for ur girl to come back la. You gotta pay her the tips before leaving if not will suay." He said. I told him I didn't do anything for crying out loud so why should I even tip her! Well mate... It seems that I got it all wrong. For most LSBs, you gotta tip the girl once she sits beside you and makes her move no matter whether you reciprocate. Not wanting to stay any longer, I duly passed the money to my colleague and left the place before more Kang Taos crop up.

Evidently, I wasn't the single bit pleased. My first experience was a Kang Tao and kinda a big one. On the flipside, and as a mean of consolation, at least I know what a LSB is like now.

Changed I had or have I???

2009-09-15T02:45:00.005+08:00

Happened to see sharon's mom when I went over for tuition last sunday and her first reaction was, "Avan! U've lost a lot of weight!!!" I reckon it wasn't weight that I lost, it is more of mass. In fact, some of my friends that I hadn't met for a while all said I look different.

So a question beckons, "Have I changed or have I not?"

Without a doubt, physically definitely yes but mentally and emotionally, I certainly dun think so.

Anyway, in the most bizarre of circumstances, I stumbled upon a few pics of me taken many years back and hell! they sure brought back memories. Those were the days.... Those were the days....

Isolation May Be The Solution...

2009-08-29T02:56:00.004+08:00

Time is of the essence and it's at a premium...

At least that's what I am feeling of late. No time for this! No time for that! No time for my blog!!!!

Even when I had the time in the past 1 month, I spent it sleeping away. If not, I would be sitting in front of my lappy and refreshing the few websites - soccernet, facebook, teamtalk, onemanga & gutter - that I always go repeatedly without a particular aim. Hai~ If that wasn't enough, I even googled my name followed by a certain Lee Huishan!!!

In all honesty, I seriously do not have the luxury to be wasting my time like that. Inexplicably, I am getting more and more tired till the extent of not wanting to do anything constructive, not even updating my blog. So is it true that I have no time or am I dissipating it like how I used to???

Whatever the answer, I dun feel like dwelling on it. I m just looking forward to the chalet. A place where I could indulge myself in booze, ciggy, loads of gambling and hopefully some luck with the ladies. Lol! Not gonna be easy for the last one I reckon. Well... Just wanna drown myself in as many vices as possible so one less or one more does not really make much of a difference.

Apart from seeing my beloved Tong Tong, I really dunno what makes me happy anymore.

Just like Ang Heng, I need to be reincarnated fast if not now or else I would probably never get the chance again.

Dear peeps, as you could probably see how dire the condition I am in, I need to go into my emoing mode soon to do some soul-searching. In the event that I dun answer phone calls or reply smses, I hereby apologise in advance. Sorry...

The Claws Are Showing Yet Again...

2009-07-25T01:53:00.003+08:00

There is a demon in me... Awaken yet again and clutching the very source of my life in its dark and filthy fist. Aaarrgghh!!!! NO!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!! As my cries for mercy go unheeded, streams and streams of my life is being drained with each passing day. I feel weak and despondent with whatever that is left in me. With all the power but no attempt to even wield it as I've slowly succumbed to the menacing will of the demon.

A part of me really wished I had stayed in Thailand and never returned. Back to face the harsh realities of life that Singapore's society poses. Hai~ Sian dao...................... I am lost for words to describe.

In all honesty, life hasn't been very smooth sailing since my return. Am I not welcomed by the society or simply there's no place for a loser like me????

Confronting the departure of a close fren to the land down under affected me more than I had expected. It set my mind into overdrive thinking about the path ahead of me when I eventually graduate from SP. It seemed pretty clear at one stage but I suppose things took a somewhat undesirable turn. I am kinda like running on empty but not making the move to fill the tank, if you know what I mean.

Not that I haven't been down this crossroad before. Hell! I have been through my fair share of adversities and never once had I backed down. Sadly, never once had I dealt with them admirably either. In short, I manage to survive, not thrive.

As much as I feel glad that Alvin has finally found his faith in God, I still hold the believe that if you are strong enough, there is no need to cling onto something spiritual for support. The problem is, I can't seem to muster the strength from within! To make matters worse, the day I find faith is probably gonna be the day I make God turn in his grave (if he has one) and wallop me so bad that I can no longer lock him out of my door.

Sometimes I find it really ironic for someone to have no strength but abundance of complacency. Smart, so!!! IAF is gonna bring me back tumbling down to earth. What's the point of having all the horsepower with no room to gallop!

I can seriously see myself being the next emo kid on block if nothing is done fast. Worse still, maybe even go insane. In fact, bordering between the fine line of sanity and insanity isn't all that bad. Crazy pple are unbelievably strong ok. Dead people like Salvatore Dali, Vincent Van Gogh, Albert Einstein, Mozart and even MJ to name a few should add some credibility to my claim. All of them were and still are considered as the geniuses in their own respective field. Who can argue with me that they weren't weird and a bit crazy! We have ourselves a necrophilia, a lunatic who severed one of his ears, a probable paedophile whose nose kept changing and the other two had done some crazy shit that I can't quite remember.

Who knows? It may turn out that being crazy is the new way of thriving in this mad mad world...

Sawadee!!!

2009-06-11T22:50:00.009+08:00

Sorry folks for this super duper belated post Thailand trip entry. Uploaded some pics that I have taken in Thailand so do enjoy...

Some Thai kips & not so kips...

Thai Temple Pilgrimage

Miscellaneous

"Ka Lo" Break...

2009-06-01T00:20:00.003+08:00

For the sake of those who do not know hokkien well enough, "Ka Lo" stands for prison. Prison Break has been out for a few years now but it wasn't until recently that I started watching. Damn!!! It's one hell of a fricking good show!

No prizes for guessing my favourite character of the show. Like most, mine is definitely Michael Scofield. Considering how exaggeratingly smart he is in the show, I guess most would aspire to be him. Then again, Prison Break is nothing more than fiction. In reality, I don't think I would ever see someone with the intelligence of Michael Scofield in my lifetime. Which is why, he's kinda legendary, like a myth, outta our league.

Taking Michael out of the picture, I see myself more like T.Bag or Mahone. Both realistically smart with an evil bone in them; albeit the former naturally inclined and the latter compelled by circmstances. Between the two, T.Bag is still my preferred character. Not only is he smart, this boy can really talk. Way too eloquent for a psychopath in my opinion but that's his drawpoint, if you know what I mean.

Associating myself with such an antagonist in the show isn't really gonna put me in the limelight, that I am sure. It's ok, really. To be frank, I do see some similarities between T.Bag and myself. If I could put it this way, I think I am the way milder version of T.Bag. Lol!!! Gals, pls dun shun me. Hahaha!!! He's crazy, I'm just eccentric. Most importantly, he is impotent in the show. I AM NOT!!!

Barring Scofield, which character do you actually see similarities in? Tell me and let me be the judge. I would love to have someone say Bellick. Lol!!!

24 Years Ago...

2009-05-18T21:02:00.002+08:00

It was in the year 1985, May 18th, when I was probably taking my first baby steps that a girl by the name of Amanda Zee Wan Fung was born. She was then born into a family totally unrelated to mine and there was no chance in the world I would come into contact with her. Through our adolescent years, events unfolded and with a twist of fate, we ended up in the same secondary school.

Being one year her senior, it wouldn't be shocking to hear that we hadn't caught each other eyes back during our secondary school days. More surprising was the mere fact that she hadn't even heard of me!!! Seriously, how was that even possible when I was kinda notorious in sec school and I hanged out with some guys from her batch!!! Furthermore, her then very close fren, Joanne, was a student councillor that saw me almost everyday during recess coz I was hardly punctual for school and had to serve detention. As much as she can protest, I honestly believe she was a dork living in her own world during sec school days. Lol!!!

Whatever the reason, it was no longer important since the day I went to Suntec City to look for Joanne. Amanda and her were working there and that was the "first time" I saw Amanda. The rest as they say, was history...

Our friendship blossomed faster than I could have expected and truthfully, I am really glad it happened the way it did. Those days when I would crash at her hostel and play tennis the next day were truly fun. Nagging at her to go bathe simply added to the enjoyment. Hahaha!!! How we managed to be so close is in no small part due to our common love, Man Utd. Bcoz of this common love, she is affectionately known as my Fmus1 and I am her Fmus2.

As we grow older and supposedly more matured, coupled with her graduation from NUS, there are certain things that we no longer do, like staying over in her hostel. However, we more than made up for it by confiding in each other when we have problems. To me, she has become a soulmate, acting like a beacon when I am lost in the dark.

From time to time, I can't help but imagine the lost I would have suffered if our lives hadn't crossed path. Hence, I am grateful to her parents for having pik piak, conceived and given birth to her. It has since been 24 years from the day she came into this world and I wonder how many lives she has touched. Most importantly, she has touched mine and I can't thank her enough. I just wanna wish her a Happy 24th Birthday and hopefully I would be able to give her the present as I have promised sooner rather than later...

Tong Tong's Journey to Malacca...

2009-05-14T01:56:00.005+08:00

Yay! Daddy driving me for the first time out of Singapore to Malacca. See... I've my teddy bear with me for the long journey. It's yellow in colour, Shu Shu's favourite colour!

It's so fricking hot out here and what's that damn thing in front of me! Blur~

Look at me turn. Very soon, I will be able to crawl to Shu Shu.

Withdrawal Syndrome From Non-Titoing...

2009-05-11T01:00:00.003+08:00

Kangtao la!!!! As diagnosed by my Fmus1, who knows me inside out, outside in, I am officially suffering from non-titoing withdrawal syndrome. Ji tao sian can!!!!

Hai~ I am not gonna go into the details of this syndrome but let me tell you, when you are suffering from it, YOU ARE IN DEEP SHIT!!!!!!! In a way or another, it sucks the zest out of your life and makes everything mundane and boring.

Like how my Fmus1 put it, maybe I should join a recruitment agency and be always on the prowl for kips to tito. Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly speaking, I really had no idea that my Fmus1 could be so humorous. That timbre is one hell of a lucky bastard!!! Hahaha!!!!!!! Pls dun tire my Fmus1 with your pp's requests if not she wun be able to tell me jokes liao.

If you really think bout it and look ard, there are actually kips all ard. The thing is whether they are titoable remains to be seen. Therefore, sad to say, I am not gonna recover any time soon!!!!!

Weakened Resolve...

2009-05-02T01:44:00.002+08:00

Boredom kills.......or so it's said to be. Nah~ To me it doesn't but it certainly weakened my resolve. Hai~ I did something that I really shouldn't have done.

Slacking at Ah Da's place with nothing else to do, I inexplicably had the urge to msg her and eventually I did. Why did I even change my handphone number in the first place!!! I wanted to shut her out of my life and there I was letting her in again. Tio tio tio....

It really got me thinking. As much as I enjoy my singlehood, there are times when I would feel lonely and bored, and really need a companion. I do have friends that I could hang out and spend time with. However, the feel is really different if you know what I mean. Imagine if I had a gf, I would most likely not be at Ah Da's place, probably spending time with her and given how faithful a bf I could be, there's no chance of me msging her!

Omg!!! There I go again ranting about how much I need someone... Maybe I do, maybe I don't. The thing is, I know I am not ready to have one simply bcoz I don't have enough time and money. I need time for school, tuitions, family, friends and myself. Throw in a gf and there goes my sleep. I need money for retail therapy, class 2B lessons and eventually class 3, grad trip, family trip, my food and chloe's food, some other miscellaneous expenses. Add in expenses on my gf and I can say goodbye to my retail therapy, grad and family trips, class 2B and class 3 lessons. When you put everything into perspective, it's really hard to find that someone accomodating enough to settle down with. That's why I have been incessantly telling myself that having a gf is like the least of my priorities. Inevitably, this resolve has also been weakened with the very existence of this entry.

Sometimes I really do wonder how Mendi managed to survive his 25 years of mundane life without ever having a gf. Perhaps the recent LSB visits did soothe his pain a lil. Lol!!! At the very least, he gotta know how it feels like to TNN and make full use of his large fingers. Hahahah!!! Mendi, pls dun kill me... I am simply too bored, that's all...

21/12/2012...

2009-04-21T23:32:00.002+08:00

Come 21/12/2012, would I still be able to sit in front of my laptop and comfort of my own home posting entry?!?!?!?!

I suppose no one could answer this question as we are merely humans. But why this date? Well... For those that are still ignorant or oblivious to the prophecy, this date is deemed to be DOOMSDAY!!!

If you ask me if I believe in it, I would consider myself to be sitting on the fence. Frankly speaking, most of us have heard of other prophecies over the past decade and apparently, none of them has come true. However, this one is somewhat different. It kinda coincides with the end of Mayan calendar and the peak of Solar activity. I even saw an article on the papers reporting on NASA's revelation on the likely impact that the solar flares might caused in 2012.

It got me thinking. Is it even worth studying or working now when you know the world might be coming to an end? I really dun wanna waste time doing stuff that ultimately you know would count for nothing. Then again, who can be sure... As long as it hasn't happened, we have no choice but to do what we do or are supposed to do simply because of the likelihood that it might not happen.

At the very least, even if it does happen, I am not afraid. In fact, I am kinda excited. Can you imagine! It's something like what you see in "Armageddon"! Imagine myself saying on national television, "I'm speaking to you not as a citizen of Singapore, not as a student of SP, not as your fren from GMH/Tummy Gang, but as a member of humanity. We are faced with a catastrophe so great that none has ever witnessed throughout the history of mankind; so devastating that it would wipe out the whole of humanity. God speed to all of you...."

I have always imagined myself hugging the one I love when the day comes. You know... "Till death do us part" that sort of thing. Since I don't really have a partner that I love right now, I guess my fantasy won't come true. Then again, there are many other stuff that I wanna do and couldn't have done if Doomsday isn't coming. For example, I wanna punch all those that I hate or dislike right in their faces. Maybe even cripple them. Lol!!!!!!!! Of course the list goes on and on but I can't be too explicit if not, the police might just pay me a visit sooner rather than later.

According to the prophets, we still have approximately 3 and a half years to live so why worry about something that we have no control over. I say we should just live life, get paid and get laid...

God Sent. . . . .

2009-04-08T23:54:00.003+08:00

Have you ever felt there's someone in your life that you were destined to meet??? I certainly do. In fact, there are so many of them; my GMH members, My Tummy Gang members, some DBA09 mates, Bro Edward, Benny, Wendy, 9AMB army buddy, Lucas, even Huishan and Mei.

Most of them have a positive influence and are of utmost importance to me. They have seen me fall and pick myself up over and over again through these years and relentlessly lending a helping hand; and some even went through thick and thin with me. I call these pple the "Untouchables". Their position in my heart will never ever be replaced. If need be, I am more than willing to put my life on the line for their sake. Definitely, my GMH and Tummy Gang members along with Bro Edward and Benny belong to the "Untouchables".

After the "Untouchables", I have the 2nd tier of DBA09 mates, Wendy, Lucas and 9AMB buddy. These peeps are also held very close to my heart. Any closer, they would be in the "Untouchables" category.

Unfortunately, Huishan and Mei are the 2 that I would rather not have met. The former left a cut so deep that it can never be healed completely and the latter contrived to pour salt on it. I suppose I won't be able to forget them simply due to the scar and pain they had inflicted on me.

Well... Like I have mentioned many times before, God always have the knack of playing games with us. For all the misery, God bestowed upon me my FMUS1 to soothe the pain and lighten the scar. She belongs to the heavenly realm of "God sent" above the "Untouchables". Just like how Sher described her bestie. FMUS1 has always been my female bestie but maybe all along, she has been more than that. Underneath the tough exterior, FMUS1 is as sweet as strawberry chocolate. Lol!!! FMUS1, I hope you like the metaphor.

Over the course of our relatively short friendship of ard 5 years, I have been blessed with lil gifts from my FMUS1 that meant a hell lot. A few years back when I tore my knee ligament, she gave me a miniature cushion Rugby 7 nations ball. Truth be told, it isn't so much to do with the ball, it is the words that were written on it. Words of encouragement to pull me out of the deepest and darkest abyss of self-pity.

Of course, there were also others like "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Numero 2" diary. I shan't go further if not I might just get too emo and tear. I just might....

Just wanna post the pic of my FMUS1's latest interpretation of our friendship...

"Mondays with Psycho" Chapter 3 - Societal Stereotypes (Edited)

2009-03-17T22:24:00.004+08:00

To be honest, my internship has drained the zest out of me. I don't really feel like doing anything, not even blogging. I just feel like lazing in front of my laptop and watch movie after movie to rest my tired body and soul. But... I have to satisfy my readers. As much as I wanna watch movie right now, I know I have the duty to update my blog for whoever that might have an interest, even if it's only one person. Therefore, I shall continue my "Mondays with Psycho" with chapter 3.

As I had promised, chapter 3 will be on societal stereotype. An idea given to me by Sherilyn, my partner in crime at VATit Pte Ltd. Lol!!!!!

In short, societal stereotype is the perception of a person on the basis of a society's norm. Since the day you were born, you would have been immersed in the values of your society. These values are subconsciously instilled into your mind throughout the many phases of life. However, these values aren't permanent, they could be changed under the influence of external factors.

Frankly speaking, although my family is rather dysfunctional, I can say my upbringing is rather conventional until I reached the age of 12. My mom is kinda conservative in her thinking which is pretty much in tandem to the normal asian culture. During my younger years, she was the one inculcating me with the do's and don'ts, right and wrong. Sadly, the guidance came to an abrupt halt when my parents got divorced when I was 12. After which, it was really learn as you grow for me given the fact that I hav a father who cannot care less.

I can still recall vividly that one day when I was looking through my father's belongings in his car when I was ard 14. I managed to find this box of condom and you can never imagine what my father said to me at that very moment. "Ah ren, yao yong cai na, mei you yong jiu fang hui ju." In english, he told me to take only if I need it, if not, put it back. In case any of you are wondering, I didn't take it back then.

Apart from my father, I suppose my liking for english sitcoms has a hand in moulding my character as well. The westerners have always been more liberal than asians and consequentially, so am I compared to most of my peers. Not forgetting to mention that my younger sis is also a lesbian. All these attributed to why I deviate from the norm in many aspects of life.

To me, I feel it's perfectly fine to be wit someone of different races, with a large age gap or even attached or married. My 2nd gf is a malay and my most recent one is 8 years my senior. She was still married when we first started for crying out loud!!! But do I really care?!?! Fricking no!!!! As far as I am concerned, if you like someone, there should be no barriers too great. Do you think likewise? I really doubt so. The most common perception would be that of I was a toyboy living off my older gf. Well... You are entitled to think in whatever ways you like. As long as I know that's not the case, I really dun giv a damn bout what you think.

To a certain extent, my FMUS1 faced a similar sort of problem when she was wit Indian a.k.a Dey. Hahaha!!! Being a chinese having an indian BF, it definitely attracted stares. If I am not mistaken, her dad wasn't really supportive of the cross-racial relationship. Did that stop her from being with Indian?!?! Nope! For that, I kow-tow to her. They had genuine feelings for each other so why not. Stop being a racist and you will open the door to more options.

Relationships aside, appearance is the one thing that gets the most stereotypes. And let me tell you, I am no stranger to that. Just last week alone, I had my auntie telling my cousin that I looked like a "cha bo" coz I was carrying a tote bag; and my army fren's gf asking if I am normal coz of the yellow v-necked top I wore and the movies I had watched recently and am going to watch soon. Is a tote only for ladies? Is a romantic comedy gay? Is it not possible for a man to be sentimental and tear when watching a sad movie? Is wearing a yellow v-necked top effeminate when your favourite colour is yellow and the v-necked collar accentuates your neckline? They could have laboured me as flamboyant, metrosexual, sentimental and sensitive. Apparently, they did not coz all that I had just mentioned were deviances to their perceived norms. Like I said, I have a lesbian sister and I ever worked in the retail line so I get to interact with pple with loads of flair. Sometimes, pple just need to step out of their small tiny boxes and get to see the world in a more vibrant way.

Ironically, I cannot understand how some pple can see me as a gay and some see me as an Ah Beng. From my personal opinion, these 2 cannot match. One being more sophisticated and the other being more vulgar. I do admit I can look rather fierce at times due to my features and complexion. However, if you really know me, you can see how different I am from an Ah Beng. Miles apart, I have to say. I hardly use expletives and I am too smart to be one. Then again, my appearance paints the image of one so pple perceive me as one.

It never ceases to astonish me how many different ways pple could perceive me to be. The bottomline is, those are just societal stereotypes. Not exactly what I truly am.

I have been going on and on and on about how pple tend to stereotype. Being a victim of those stereotypes, I used myself as an example. Truth be told, I am also guilty of stereotyping. As humans, stereotyping is somewhat part and parcel of life. It's really quite unavoidable when you get to see pple that are different from you. The thing is, it doesn't matter whether you stereotype or not, it is more of how often you stereotype and to what degree.

The more exposure you get, the greater the experience and knowledge. With an open mind, you tend to acclimatize faster and easier with changes which lessens the tendency to stereotype. So for those out there who stereotype very often, here is a piece of advice for you. Step out of your mundane life and experience what living is like. At least, this is what I am trying to do...

Identical Twins...

2009-02-27T00:01:00.003+08:00

Pple normally associate twins to be identical. On the contrary, my brother and I are far from it. We really have nothing in common except maybe our laughter. Some of my frenz even used to label us the devil and the saint. Lol!!! No prizes for guessing who's the devil and who's the saint.

Truth be told, I am glad my brother and I are rather different. If there's somebody else in the world that resembles you a lot, you won't be that unique already rite. In spite of what I have mentioned, there were actually occasions that I wished my brother is an identical twin of mine. I suppose most of us ever encountered moments where we really wanna split ourselves into two. You know what I mean! Like you need to cover two places or meet two different persons almost at the same time.

Hai~ I'm facing a dilemma now and I have a feeling no matter which option I take, it's gonna be cui cui... I have really shot myself in the foot this time round. Ah du ah, ah du~ Why are you so different from me???? If not, you could have eased my selection problem a hell lot.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for now. Who knows? Maybe things will pan out in such a way that work in my favour. Amitabha, amitabha....

"Mondays with Psycho" Chapter 2 - Relationships

2009-02-23T23:32:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2, chapter 2... I was deliberating between my Fmus1's and Sherilyn's suggestions earlier on and couldn't really decide on which one to write about. If not for my Fmus1's current predicament, I would have gone with Sher's suggestion. Since all constructive suggestions are given consideration, my next chapter will be on Sher's suggestion k. So let us now start proper on Chapter 2...

Relationships... It's such a fascinating thing that never ceases to amaze me. I have always believe it to be building blocks of our lives. Even on the day you are born, a relationship is already being forged and that's none other than kinship with your family. As you go through different phases of your life, other relationships - friendship, comradeship, boy-girl relationship, matrimonial relationship - are also being forged along the way. From a personal perspective, I feel these relationships have a hand in moulding one's character. Considering my Fmus1's predicament as well as my elder sis's, I will narrow the scope of this chapter to the latter 2 relationships.

Like the term suggests, a boy-girl relationship is one between a boy/man and a girl/woman. Well... With homosexuality being prevalent, the line is somewhat blurred. This form of relationship can exist between a boy/man and boy/man or a girl/woman and girl/woman. Basically, we call these people gays or lesbians. Before I proceed, I have to reiterate that I have no prejudice against homosexuals k. Now we shall continue...

Have you ever wondered why we, humans, always have the tendency to fall into such a relationship even though we know how much the disputes, betrayal and breakups can hurt us??? Honestly, this question has been baffling me since I experienced my first heartbreak. Why can't we just behave like animals, have sex and reproduce!?!? I mean we are primitively no different from animals. Who the hell caused evolution!!!!!!!!

Hai~ I suppose there's no point ranting when we are already what we are. Since it is rather inevitable for us to fall into a relationship, isn't it better to think of ways of making it work rather than asking why it doesn't...

Frankly speaking, I have only had 4 gfs my entire life and only 2 of those can be considered as serious so I am really no relationship guru. I am just some random guy shedding light on what I think may make a relationship tick. However, if you think what I am about to type is just a shitload of crap, pls proceed to the top right hand corner of your screen and click on the X button.

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Good riddance! to those who think too highly of themselves. For those who are still with me, thanks for staying and I hope my 2 cents worth of advice is helpful in a way or another.

First and foremost, it is imperative for us to determine the elements of a healthy relationship. In my opinion, they are love, trust, communication and understanding. The lack of any one of them can prove to be detrimental to the relationship. In order for a relationship to be strong, there must be love involved. Love is something very subjective; some pple may perceive it as a huge infatuation while others may perceive it as a total submission of life and freedom. As for me, I see it as a longing for someone; caring for that someone; devoting yourself to that someone and respecting that someone. Hence, if your perception of love is a balanced and rational one, you have every chance of building a strong foundation to the relationship provided the other party shares the same sentiment.

No matter how strong the foundation is, it can still be eroded away without trust, communication and understanding. Imagine a relationship without trust... Every single day, you would be living in paranoia. The deeper you love the other party, the more paranoid you get. Even before you realise, the manifestation of suspicion and paranoia has already started eating off at the relationship.

Apart from distrust, disputes and differences can also be as damaging. Like I have always said, we live in a highly developed and civilised society and there's no reason why we should behave like barbarians to resolve matters. Even if you dun scream and throw punches to resolve matters like barbarians, keeping mum isn't really doing the relationship any favours either. Maybe normal service would resume after a few days of cold war, with all the dirt brushed under the carpet. But make no mistake that one fine day, the old ghost will come back and haunt you. It's really very simple. Imagine yourselve being a time bomb. Whenever there is a cold war, one party will have to swallow his/her pride and make the first move in appeasing the other party. As this vicious cycle repeats itself time and time again, you can relate the built up grievance in either parties to the ticking of a time bomb. It's really only a matter of which party has a lower threshold and explodes first.

That brings me to communication and understanding. Speaking from my own experience, my ex gf is the sort who keeps mum when she's not happy with something and will pull a long face for the rest of the day. Throughout my estimated 1 year relationship wit her, I hardly raised my voice when she gave me attitude, maybe only the once or twice when she really stepped over the line. To me, there's no need to act in this manner when we can resolve matter in a cultured way. That's why, almost every time I noticed an issue arising, I would sit her down and talk to her in a good way hoping that she would get the message. No matter whose fault it was, I always held the belief that we ought to communicate and reach a common understanding so that the same problem wouldn't crop up again. Hai~ Unfortunately, most of the time, I was just talking to a block of wood. So when one party isn't receiving and giving, the communication will inevitably breakdown and there goes the understanding.

After discussing all the elements, I have to admit it's easier said than done. But if you think about it, when you are not even willing to give it a go, then why in the first place do you wanna start a relationship?!?!

When a relationship is deemed to be stable, a couple would normally proceed to the next stage, marriage. More often than not, couples fail to realise the underlying problems in their relationships and rush into a marriage. If a relationship is hard to sustain, a marriage is even more so. In addition to the aforementioned elements, a marriage warrants more responsibility and commitment.

Sad to say, divorce has somewhat become more and more a norm this days. Vows count for nought... Usually, it's a case of problems in the relationship being brought forward into the marriage. As you can see, the two have a very strong correlation. I would like to see the relationship before marriage as the foundations of marriage.

Take my elder sis for example, she was rushed into the marriage with my bro-in-law for a reason that I think needs no spelling out. They were only in courtship for less than a year and truth be told, they hadly knew each other. The lack of communication didn't help matters and after ard 18 years of marriage, the situation has deteriorated beyond salvage. To my elder sis, my bro-in-law is just some guy living under the same roof that she can no longer communicate with, understand and trust. As much as she wanted to salvage the marriage, there's only this lil that one party could do when the other party couldn't care less.

The bottomline is, never rush into a relationship or even more so a marriage when both parties aren't ready. My sister committed a mistake out of folly and she's living to regret it. Being close to her, it pains me to see her in her current state. If it were up to me, I would rather she take up the other option back then and not marry my bro-in-law. She's such a nice person, responsible mother, doting sister and she obviously deserves better.

Of course if we are not talking about a serious relationship or marriage, then there's no need to bother about what I've typed so far. In my dictionary, the appropriate word to use would be fling. I've had my fair share of flings and they were certainly fun. Like no strings attached and stuff, no worries no nothing. But how long can you fling around and not settle down? We are not immortals. We age and we die eventually. It's only a matter of time when you know you have to start taking relationships seriously and when that day comes, you could maybe reflect on what I've mentioned in this entry and who knows, it may just work for you...

Some pics to share...

2009-02-23T21:10:00.000+08:00

Before I embark on another lengthy wordy post, below are some pics for your viewing pleasure...

Mini 25th birthday celebration at my twin brother's gf's house (For those who haven't known, the guy wearing black tank top is my twin brother)

Post CNY Clique's dinner at Noble House

My slightly grown-up niece. Isn't she just gorgeous! So so so cute.................

"Mondays with Psycho" Chapter 1 - Sex

2009-02-15T22:49:00.000+08:00

In light of my FMUS1's recent plight, it's my duty to do whatever within my capability to cheer her up and this entry is specially dedicated to her. Due to popular demand, I've decided the first chapter of my "Mondays with Psycho" to be on the topic, sex. As controversial and taboo a topic it may be, it is still an issue that plagues our everyday lives so there's no point shunning it.

We, humans, are created with 2 genders - male or female. The defining difference is definitely the anatomy. To facilitate the understanding of this topic for amateurish readers, the part of the anatomy I am referring to is the genitals - penis and vagina. Have you ever wondered why our genitals are shaped in such a way that one actually complements the other??? The truth is really simple. Sex is a natural oder of life and there's really no use denying it.

Whichever faith or religion you may have, God created us in such a way so that a couple can enjoy the pleasure of lovemaking and bliss of having a family. In his eyes, sex between a loving couple is sacred and untainted. If he wanted it any other way, humans could end up like an ameoba; reproducing by splitting itself without sex.

However, over the centuries, the line has been blurred. Some people dun even know for sure which gender they belong to. Others engaged in casual sex with various partners like there's no tomorrow. In addition, prostitution and pornography are tarnishing the image even further. As such, the natural order has been violated and most people start to see sex as something sleazy and degrading.

At least for me, I still believe consensual sex between a loving couple is part and parcel of a strong relationship. It is scientifically proven that the intimacy actually strengthens the bond between the couple. Hence, I feel that if you are doing it the rightful way with the correct partner, there is really no shame involved.

Having said so, there are many who want a taste of the forbidden fruit but do not have the guts to own up. To me, this sort of behaviour is shameful. If you have the guts to do it, why not the guts to admit it. You could groan and moan as loud as you want during sex but when asked if you ever had sex before, you could give a blatant lie by saying no. This is like a slap on ur partner's face! So are you implying that having sex with that partner is filthy by denying!!! I am not saying you have to spill the beans on the details when questioned but at least have the decency not to lie. Dun fricking portray urself as an innocent and pure person when the truth is, you are far from it. Walking away or simply ignoring to answer that question is the slightest respect you can give to both yourself and your partner.

If you are really afraid of coming under the scrutiny of others, uphold your chastity and keep your virginity till you are ready to embrace sex with the right frame of mind. As far as I am concerned, a liar is far worse than a nympho.

Take me for an example. I am never shy to admit having sex with my ex-gfs coz there was love involved. It just so happened that the relationships did not work out due to some reasons. The message I am trying to bring across in this entry is that sex is something misused, misinterpretted and misrepresented.

Disclaimer: I am no advocate of sex and I am not trying to encourage sexual intercourse between loving couples. Love is something very subjective and different pple perceive it differently. If you think both you and your partner are ready, do it on your own discretion. My only advice is better be safe than sorry. Always have precautionary measures in place if you wanna engage in sex. This is also a form of respect to your partner.

Mondays With Psycho...

2009-02-13T00:49:00.000+08:00

Inspired by "Tuesdays With Morrie", my FMUS1 came up with the title of this entry. For those who haven't read the book "Tuesdays With Morrie", I recommend that you read it sooner rather than later. It's definitely better than any of the "Twilight" series by Stephanie Meyers!

Well... Here's a lil trivia bout the book. It's bout this journalist who rediscovered the meaning of life after spending several tuesdays with his college professor during the last few months of his professor's life.

Make no mistake, I'm not even attempting to draw comparisons with Morrie, the professor. He would win hands down. I would like to see myself as a totally separate entity with something different to offer. If my FMUS1 could come up with such a tagline, I have no grounds to believe otherwise or so I think.

I may not be as inspirational or learned like Morrie but I do give valuable advices. If anyone of you beg to differ, kindly leave behind a constuctive comment k. Anyway, I think there is basis to my earlier statement since my some of my close frenz like to confide in me. This is probably due to my character. Being a melancholic, I tend to be more analytical in terms of how I perceive things.

Having said so, not many can see this side of me. Most pple just can't see past the first barrier, appearance. What kinda advice could a gay, ah beng or a flirt give! I know this is what most of you are thinking that when I'm toking about me. Then again, this is what many perceived me as. Am I really gay, ah beng or a flirt? The answer is.....................................NO!!!!!! That's why only my close frenz confide in me coz they know me well enough.

Taking the term psycho as an example. What would you associate it with? Psychosis, insane, maniac, serial killer etc.... I know, I know.... This would be the common response. In case some of you haven't known, my nickname is "Psycho". To my close frenz, I'm called "Psycho" coz I'm eccentric, flamboyant, liberal and daring. This is the difference in perception I'm talking about.

I'm calling all to look beyond and get the bigger picture. "Mondays with Psycho" is promising to be light-hearted, fun and enriching. Feel free to pick up ur phone to dial my number anytime, anywhere and anyhow. A selected few has priority so if you couldn't get through, dun be disheartened and keep calling. LOL!!!!!!!

One More Week...

2009-01-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

Exactly 7 days from now, I will be officially 25. Well... Some of you may think that I m getting old, real old~ Seriously, I dun really give a damn bout my age. To me, it's a chronological figure. Like how Sherilyn put it just now, "I am still young, but you peeps are younger". Hence, it really is a matter of perspective.

What matters more to me than the numerics is how much I have grown, emotionally and mentally. Truth be told, I have been haunted by 2 old ghosts of mine in the past 1 week. They have reminded me of the mistakes I had commited in the past. To a lesser extent, I am still committing one of them now. As for the other one, it remains to be seen... Hai~

Just how many more years do I need before I can eradicate this part of me that I dread so much??? Until I am able to do that, I will never be completely happy. This I am certain, simply because I know I deserve way better.

Thinking back, some people really treated me like dirt. I used to question myself why they did so but I have passed that phase now. When you don't treat yourself with respect, how do you expect others to hold you in high esteem... No one will ever think highly of a soccer team if it keeps losing. The same rule applies to all walks of life.

If I really deserve better, then I must show myself worthy of it. One week isn't really what you would call a long time but I feel it may well be a turning point. A turning point to show pple what I truly am and capable of doing. Hopefully, all the wisdom and experiences I have garnered at the age of 24 could be the catalyst...

Si Tong...

2009-01-08T00:44:00.000+08:00

3/1/2009 is a day I would probably remember for the rest of my life. It was the day an angel descended into my life...

So what exactly happened on that day???

I met Wendy for movie on fri(2/1/2009). We watched Yes Man and I must say it's a rather nice movie. Being a comedy, it's actually quite a meaningful one. After which, we went Little India and chilled at an Australian Pub. Having had a long day, I told Wendy that I needed to go home earlier and rest. I did just that and hell! it's a decision that I will never regret for the rest of my life.

Shortly after bathing, my elder bro told me that my sis-in-law's waterbag had burst and he's gonna send her to the hospital. Without hesitation, I told him I wanted to tag along and witness the birth of my niece. Well... Truth be told, I didn't really get to witness it but I managed to be the 3rd person to have spoken to my niece. I was also mistaken to be the husband coz I accompanied my sis-in-law into the delivery suite and later chased out after my identity was exposed. Lol!!! The 4 hours of waiting was well worth given the euphoria I experienced when I saw my niece for the first time.

Honestly, I didn't have to go the length of going to the hospital and wait. I could have visited my sis-in-law and my niece the next day. However, my excitement got the better of me. I simply couldn't contain it. The surge to see her asap was so great that words are impotent to describe. I wanted to tell her that I am gonna quit smoking for her. Although I have yet to really achieve that, I think I am not far away. I am only smoking like 1 stick a day for crying out loud!!!

As much as I dun look like it, there's no denying that I love kids. Seeing how cute my niece is, how can I possibly not adore her?!?!?! She is like an angel that has just stepped into my life, rejuvenating every cell and essence running through my body. Every single day, I just feel like going home as early as possible so I can see more of her. The very sight of her calms my soul. I hope everyone in the family can see you through my eyes and put their differences aside. This is the very least they can do coz you really really deserve it, Si Tong...

2009, Are You Gonna Be Different???

2009-01-01T02:49:00.000+08:00

As of now, I'm 3 hours into a new year, 2009. For the past couple of years, I had been setting myself resolutions that I wasn't able to keep. Somehow, my instincts tell me that 2009 is gonna be different. Maybe the beginning of a new life, a breathe of freshness.

Personally, I feel I have grown in leaps and bounds towards the back end of 2008. It might not be palpable to outsiders but I know for certain that my maturity has gone up a notch in a few aspects. There are many areas now that I am looking in a more positive light, which is beneficial to my emotional well-being.

To pinpoint the reason behind this improvement is hard. I, myself, dun really know for sure. However, there are a couple of factors that I can probably attribute this remarkable change on - the breakup with Mei and "Tuesdays with Morrie".

I have learnt to appreciate my family and friends more. I wish to be their pillar of strength when they wanna be strong; I wish to be their guiding light when they are lost; I wish to be their bundle of fun when they are bored; I wish to be their solace when they are down. This is no mean feat considering the diversity of family and friends I have. I will still try nonetheless.

In order to help others, I need myself to be strong and determined. So far, my mental toughness has been my achilles heel. Without it, I cannot fulfill my aspirations. Stepping into 2009, I have encountered my first test. Under the most unlikely of circumstances, I have developed some feelings for this particular girl. Due to some reasons, I have to keep my feelings in check. I have too many other stuff to contend with so any additional emotional baggage or commitment is a big no no. It's one of those scenarios that you have to take a step back to move two steps forward.

Well... On the surface, she seems like a nice girl. It's a pity that I can't follow my heart coz there are too many more important factors I have to consider. Having said so, would I be able to withstand the temptation??? This only time will tell...

A Picture Paints a Thousand Words...

2008-12-28T02:19:00.000+08:00

Gift Exchange With Tummy Gang...

My Bitch & I...

Hey Fara, dun steal my chicken wing...

Fricking hungry from all the walking at zoukout...

Joy, Fara, Evonne, What's her name, Bitch & Me

Oops! I'm semi-naked...

At vivo before the party begins...

Terence, Me, Qin Yuan, Teh

Us again... (Qin Yuan's Bday so he gotta be in both pics)

Ktv wit Mei Qin...

Kelvin, Me & Alvin at Dragonfly... (Ah Xia Kia's Bday)

Admiring Fahmi's bag...

09 Post Gift Exchange Pic...

A more solemn post exchange pic...

As much as I think words can be really powerful, it's always good to have some pics from time to time to liven up my blog. Hence, this post will be different from my usual wordy posts. Hope you enjoyed the pics...

Brief Update...

2008-12-17T03:08:00.000+08:00

Looking back, it has been 3 weeks since my last post. I must say the past 3 weeks have been rather eventful. It would probably take me hours to elaborate every details, so let me just present the more meaningful occasions in a nutshell.

1. On the very last day of MST, class 09 had our usual Xmas gift exchange. The only difference this time round is the gift I received. Personally, I would call it a "Jar of Love". From the bottom of my heart, I was touched upon receiving it from Shermeen. It isn't something extravagant but definitely something that takes a lot of thoughts and effort. The candies and chocolates in the jar are like drops of love kept by a friend. Not to mention the lil surprise hidden right in the midst of it...... Thanks again Shermeen for the wonderful gift.

2. Just last wed, we had a long mahjong session at my place. It wasn't so much on the money I won or what could have happened the night before. It was the guys who were present - terence, lulu, alvin, mendi and edward. When was the last time this bunch of us sat down and played mahjong together?!?!?!?! All of us have embarked on another chapter of our lives and we no longer have the luxury to have this sort of gathering. Maybe to most, they would see it as just a normal gambling session. To me, it's far beyond that. It's reminiscent of our "good" old days. It's the fun and laughter that we always have during this kinda occasions that make me cherish them till the day I die. On this old mahjong table of mine, many friendships were forged, many friendships were strengthened, many friendships were rekindled.

3. Lastly, it must be Zoukout with my bi-atch and her gang. Lol!!!! Honestly speaking, I am kinda disappointed with the whole Zoukout experience. Probably due to the fact that I was kinda tired from work and tuition; probably due to the fact that my bi-atch and her gang aren't really party people. Nonetheless, I still enjoyed my bi-atch's company for the night. To a certain extent, I feel we are like Will & Grace. Just that I'm not so gay and you're not so graceful. Hahahah!!!! Whatever it is, dun be so emo k. Look at ur bi-atch! I am no longer that emo like how I used to. I've improved and so should you. Anything can always talk to me k.

As much as I wanna upload some photos, I am too tired to do it. Will try to get some pics up in the next few days before someone starts to complain that my blog is too wordy again k. Before I hit the sack, I wanna wish all my frenz a Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. Very soon, it will be the dawn of a new year and may all your wishes come true. Goodnite and adios...

Powerless...

2008-11-26T02:06:00.000+08:00

2 three years long relationships; one has gone down the drain and the other on a very rocky patch. The very 4 persons involved in both are close to me and yet there's nothing much I can do.

Hai~ I really feel powerless. If only I was a cupid, I would be able to inject some love and romance into their waning relationships. Sadly, I am not... All I can do is lend a listening ear and give some advice. I suppose this isn't quite enough to salvage somebody else's relationship.

Coincidentally, both my younger sis and Wendy confided in me regarding their relationships last night. As much as I wanted to do my proj, I simply couldn't leave them in the lurch when they needed my deep listening. My sis was on the verge of tears when she spoke to me about Phoebe. Wendy was far worse. She was inconsolable. She had just broken up with MK. If I had been a lil weaker, I would have cried with them...

In all honesty, my sis and Wendy have a lot in common with regards to their mentality. They are too pessimistic and it was really hard for me to get my point across to them. Even so, I tried as hard as I could to make them see things in a brighter light. I dunno how much they have learnt from listening to me but I hope they can at least feel comforted that someone was there to listen to their sorrows.

Not too long ago, I was just like them. Back then, not a day had gone by without me feeling at least a bit dejected. Somehow, I dun reall know how, I have managed to change for the better. Although I am still some way from being a jovial and optimistic person, I am working hard towards it. Being on this journey alone can be somewhat boring. I want them to join me. I want them to see the bigger picture that I see now.

Not that I really believe in God, but if there really is one or many out there, please try to show these 2 girls some mercy. Guide them to the path that I wanna embark. For this alone, I pray to you...

Deepest Condolences...

2008-11-23T19:15:00.000+08:00

Haven't blogged for quite a while ya. Dun feel like getting started on my FEB proj yet so here I am writing typing this entry.

Earlier this week, HH's granny passed away. Hai~ When I learnt bout it, I felt kinda guilty. I promised HH a few weeks back that I would accompany him to the hospital and visit his granny but that didn't materialise. Guilt stricken, I made a point to at least pay my last respects at her wake. Being able to offer a joss stick at the altar and utter a few parting words did offer some sort of reprieve.

I am glad that HH is coping wit it rather well. However, I must comment that he's really noob. He knows nuts bout wakes and funerals. Not saying that I am a pro here, at least I know some of the customs. Like always, I filled him in on the customary practices at a wake.

Noob he may be, HH is actually quite an emotional and sentimental boy. These customs gave me the opportunity to hear HH cry over the phone. He was confused, disappointed and infuriated by how some of his relatives reacted at his granny's wake. He couldn't understand why his christian relatives refused to offer joss sticks or participate in the prayer sessions.

Personally, I have always felt a wake is an event for family and friends to pay their last respects and offer their condolences to the deceased and his/her kins respectively. A wake transcends all boundaries - race, religion and dialect. Some pple are just too rigid and live in their own boxes. They only believe and see whatever is avaible in their boxes. Being one-dimensional isn't really a bad thing. Nonetheless, there are occasions where one needs to use a bit of common sense and think out of the box. Sadly, some pple just lack in this department. How can these pple survive in our dynamic, ever-changing society baffles me to no end...

Since I am on this topic, I might as well comment on something related. Just read Jolene's blog before starting this entry and there was this post of hers on how pple commented on what she wore. It reminded me of an incident that happened a few days back in school. A small grp of girls from my lecture group walked past me in FC6 and commented on my attire. They found it gay. To tell ya the truth, I am not the least bit affected by what they had said coz I hav heard this kinda comments numerous times. I would take gay anyday compared to beng. At the very least, gays are more sophisticated and cultured.

My point is, we live in a very judgemental and stereotypical society. If we get affected by every lil thing pple say, we are gonna live in misery. So Jol, dun bother bout what those imbeciles said k.

Melancholic...

2008-11-08T02:13:00.000+08:00

Do you know there are actually 4 types of temperament - sanguine, choleric, melancholic and phlegmatic? I bet you don't. Hahaha!!! Losers......... Nah~ Just kidding. I wouldn't know either if I haven't taken psychology as my gem. Anyway, guess which type do I belong to?

For my friends who know me rather well, I think the answer is kinda a no brainer. Even I guessed it myself before doing any tests. I am indeed a melancholic. It's no wonder my life is struck with a chord of melancholy. Lol!!! Just kidding again. This isn't what make one a melancholic.

Not surprisingly, a melancholic is normally the one with the highest IQ in the family. Not trying to praise myself but I do agree with a rather high level of confidence. To a lesser extent, I do fall under the trait of caring for others more than myself. This brings me to the point I wanna make on this entry.

Time and again, I am confronted by this one particular question. Why and how some pple can be so selfish??? Come on... I, myself, am no messiah of mankind. I don't go ard spreading love to everyone on the streets or whatsoever. I do have my selfish moments but I try to keep that to a minimum. The message I am trying to bring across is very simple. I honestly believe one shouldn't be so self-centered most of the time, if not all the time. At least have the decency and capacity to love and care bout ur family and friends. Dun look at things from a narrow perspective that revolves ard me, myself and I.

Who the hell in the world doesn't wanna grab centre stage! Then again, who are the ones giving the applauds??? Your family, friends and community for crying out loud! Without them, you are worth nothing, not even a piece of crap. Imagine a world with only you. You have everything to yourself. Whatever you do is right. You grow old and wither by yourself. Eventually, you will realise life hasn't been a bed of roses coz you have no one to share it with or even witness it. Tears roll down your eyes while you lie on ur deathbed filled with loneliness.

You can brush my words off as a load of bullshit. You can continue deluding yourself that you still have ur family and a few really good frenz by ur side and no matter how things pan out, those pple will stand by you. Trust me, they can put up with your nonsense for 1 month, 1 year or even 1 decade; however, they would probably reach their threshold at a certain point of time. As a matter of fact, my patience for someone on this context is wearing really thin. You probably just regard me as a poly fren and nothing more. So be it... It will hurt you more than it hurts me if you dun mend your ways. Like I said earlier, your so called best friends would most likely bail out on you in due time if you dun change. What I dun want is for the somewhat threadbare harmony in the 09 clique to be affected.

If you insist on being the imbecile that you are, try your best not to step on my tail. I have given you a reminder so be warned...

Baby's Fart!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-11-03T01:03:00.000+08:00

Hav you ever smelled a dog's fart??? Well... I just did. My chihuahua just farted while lying on my lap. If you haven't known, dogs r pretty much like humans. They snore, they fart and they burp. What exactly took me so long to actually experience it for the first time..........

I am guilty. I admit I am. Guilty for not spending enough time with my dogs. Hai~ Truth be told, I am a lousy owner. They wag their tails everytime I come home; they lick me everytime they have the chance; they wanna play catch with me whenever I sit on the floor watching tv. They are crying out for my attention and I disappoint them every single time.

Honestly speaking, I dunno why sluts are also called bi-atches. They dun even come close to being dogs. In the context of canines, they are really loyal and that is one virtue that sluts totally lack. As far as I am concerned, sluts pale in comparison.

However undeserving they are, they always seem to cause me no end of hell. I am not foolish, I must be blind to even allow not one but two to leave a scar in me. For the past couple of days, I have been feeling a void in my life. Not saying that I have been feeling sad or anything, it just seems that something is missing.

Is it companionship; is it sex; or is it a mixture of the two??? I wish I have an answer to this... I doubt I am gonna find an answer soon though. Whatever it is, I just gotta keep myself as occupied as possible. At the very least, this coming week is gonna be damn hectic for me. I wun even have time to think bout other stuff.

Before I embark on my busy schedule ahead, it's best I upload a pic that I took during one of the lectures. Jolene! You dun hav to thank me for this pic k. Just dun cry too much and stay chirpy will do. I dun like to see my fren's tears.

Stairways to my Sanctuary...

2008-10-29T00:55:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, HH has started his own blog!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my dear lil bro, isn't he just full of surprises...

In a way or another, blogging has become an integral part of our lives. You can diminish its impact on our lives or even beg to differ, but there's no hiding that many pple out there wanna be heard. Things you aren't comfortable articulating, you put it in ur blog and hope someone will chance upon it and give their 2 cents worth.

Why? Why? Why has mankind deteriorate till such an extent?!?!?!? What exactly is the problem - environment, education, friends or family? Well... I suppose no matter how hard you scrutinize it, you can't really get to the root of the problem. Whatever it is, this issue is certainly chronic.

Communication and understanding are breaking down ard me and it's really disconcerting. I simply can't understand why most pple cannot sit down and discuss a problem in a calm and rational way. Instead allowing problems to manifest and blown out of proportions. Sharon and her mom; Kaiwen and her parents; Phoebs and my sis; Dave and Wendy... The list can just go on and on...

If possible, I really wanna act as their bridge of communication. With better communication comes better understanding. Not that I am not trying, it's just not enough for a mere mortal to barge in and be able to make a significant difference. Nonetheless, I will not throw in the towel. Somehow, I feel more joy in helping others than I ever used to. Not only do I wanna be a bridge, I also wanna be a guiding lamp. A lamp to guide the lost in the dark wilderness by sharing my own experiences.

By doing so, I am able to climb the stairways to my sanctuary. A place I can be at ease with myself; a place I can enjoy tranquility and serenity; a place where my hatred can be appeased, my anger can be assuaged, my pain can be soothed, my fears can be allayed, my anxiety can be calmed.

This may come across as too good to be true for some of you. Think of me as whatever you want. You have the right to be sceptical and there's no way I am gonna begrudge you of that. I have been a devil for far too long and I wanna be an angel for a change. I know that as long as I am feeling joy, I won't stop. So for those who have faith in me, do confide in me as and when you like. I may not be ard all the time but I will try my best to be as available as possible.

Honestly speaking, I feel very comforted to learn bout HH's new blog. I believe he has come to a crossroad in his life which instigated him to start blogging. In all honesty, I have no idea how much i would be able to help him. At the very least, I get to know what's going on in his heart and mind.

Having said so, it saddens me a great deal when I know nuts bout my own twin bro. Of all the pple I wish to help, he must be right up there on top of the list. I know he's suffering and that's in no small part due to a particular "Miao". Just imagine a masculine man washing his gf's undies with his hands in the middle of the night when she's sleeping soundly in the comfort of their small single bed. She could have washed it herself when she came back from work. Nope, she didn't. She played PS2 all night long while waiting for her man to bring food home for her and put her to bed. The man's pride and ego were thrown out the window for the name of love.

While watching this, I couldn't help but reminisced. I had been through this, I thought to myself. What more do us, brothers, need to do to earn the love we deserve???? Or are the girls just undeserving for us???? It beats me to no end. Whatever it is, my ordeal is over and I can only wish the same for my twin bro. May ur faith lead you to see things like how I see it now...

Where is my facade???

2008-10-25T02:42:00.000+08:00

Did I lose my facade with the liberation of my soul....

In more ways than one, I feel I've grown stronger. Maybe not quite physically, but definitely mentally and emotionally. This is probably why I no longer need a mask where I hide all my emotions.

Still, it is always a risk to bare ur all in this god forsaken world. HH revealing my secrets is testamount to that. Hai~ Seriously, I am very disappointed. No doubt I am a very liberal person and willing to share many things, there are still stuff that I wanna be discrete about for certain reasons. When a person like me ask you to keep a secret, that means it really can't be told to anyone.

Well... What's done cannot be undone. I won't bear any grudges against him. I treat HH like a younger bro of mine and that's not gonna change just bcoz of this episode. I just gotta learn to be more careful in the future. Anyway, I've known what kinda person he is from the beginning so it was really my fault for having disclosed it to him in the first place. I guess my sadness that day drove me to do something so uncharacteristic. Pls dun get me wrong here. I am not saying HH is not a trustworthy person. The thing is he has been living a very sheltered life up to now. More often than not, he doesn't realise the magnitude of how harsh reality can be. So he probably thought my secret wasn't really that big a deal and let the cat out of the bag in order to entertain the rest of the 09 clique.

From my perspective, there are actually pros and cons to HH's personality. The con is pretty much mentioned above. Being a rather simple person, he isn't really endowed with sensitivity or tactfulness. He doesn't know how to weigh the consequences of his actions. On the other hand, living in his sheltered world peppered with family bliss, he is shielded from the cruel world that we live in. As far as I am concerned, I wish he can live this kinda life that I am envious of for as long as possible.

Human beings tend to change under harsh conditions, sometimes for the better and other times for the worse. Better being stronger willed, more versatile, more tolerant; and worse being more selfish, more scheming, more inhumane in extreme cases. This brings me to why I am so close with HH. Among all my poly frenz, I feel he is the least tainted by the outside world which makes me feel very at ease with him. If you ask me, I can tell you frankly that some negative traits are beginning to show in some of my poly frenz.

Whatever it is, I have no right to judge any of them and I won't. The same applies to whoever is judging me bcoz of what they have heard or witnessed. The jury is still out until the day I kick the bucket. Only then will I take the stand in front of God, waiting for him to pass the final verdict...

Liberation At Long Last...

2008-10-20T11:53:00.000+08:00

With regards to Reena's comment on the previous entry, I am indeed merely mortal. Nothing more than a human, which is why I am susceptible to the perils of mankind like betrayal, cruelty, selfishness and the list goes on....

Having said so, I have no desire to discard my humanity as I feel more complete as a person. Here is a quote from a Morrie, "Learn to love or perish." It sounds rather harsh but it does make a hell lot of sense. However, if you interpret it the wrong way, the consequences could be dire. To love doesn't mean channelling all ur affection towards one single person, it's more like loving your community, your family and your friends. And this is exactly what I am gonna do.

Let me now congratulate Mei for her unerring capacity to prove my instincts right every single time. Bravo!!! You being attached to a 24 year-old malay guy so soon after our breakup further reiterated all that I had said about you. Frankly speaking, I am not really angry with you. Why should I?!?! We have already broken up so you have all the luxury and liberty to be with whoever you desire. The thing is, I am mad with myself for loving you so much in the past and neglecting others that are more worthy. You really dun deserve even one single tiny bit of it.

Apart from the congratulations, I also need to thank you for being the catalyst of my change. Gone are the days when I devoted myself to one single girl. Avan doesn't belong to just one person. I belong to my family and friends. Instead of presenting my entire heart to one individual, isn't it better to scatter it and spread the love around. It's less risky and more pple stand to benefit. I am not trying to be a saint here. All I want is to grace as many lives as possible, especially those close to me.

Mei is dead and with her death, I've found my new perspective of life. The mark of a man is not how much money he has earned; how much girls he has laid or even how many children he has. It's about how many hearts he has touched coz love is something that cannot be forgotten. When my time is up, I hope I don't have to look back in anger or regret. I wanna see the smiles I have put on pple's faces...

A Teardrop of Sorrow...

2008-10-12T03:15:00.000+08:00

I cannot recall the last time I had tears rolling down from my eyes. It must have been a while...

Unfortunately, the overwhelming sadness that I felt several hours back, triggered some mechanism in my body and managed to squeezed out whatever that is left from my tear duct. Not that I had cried a river, it was just this one drop that rolled down my cheek which spoke volumes.

If you think I cried bcoz of her, that goes to show how much you know me as a fren or as a person. Ever since Huishan, I have never allowed myself to cry more than twice for a girl. Come to think of it, only 2 girls have achieved that feat and I would be glad it stays that way.

So what exactly happened that made me shed a tear??? Well... The 2 persons I value most in my life are my mom and elder sis. I think many of you will be surprise at such a revelation coz I dun normally talk about them or express such feelings openly. The bottomline is, I simply hate to see them being hurt. I guess it's pretty obvious now that one of them was the cause of me tearing.

Before I left for Reena's house, my elder sis and younger sis got into a very heated argument. It was so sudden that caught me totally by surprise. I mean, both of them are kinda close and arguing over a trivial matter is absolutely absurd and uncalled for. The war of words took both of them to the verge of tears and having not witnessed how it started, I was in no position to remedy the situation. Considering my elder sis's condition and my younger sis's temperament, I stood watching haplessly fearing for the worst repercussions.

It was as though both of them were throwing knifes and daggers at each other and I was caught right in between, feeling the blades cut through my flesh. Tears took the place of blood and started welling up in my eyes. Somehow, I managed to fight it back and dragged my nephew out of the house to prevent further damage.

Eventually, there was a crack in the floodgates and a fateful drop of tear rolled down my cheek when I was in the cab. I was really disappointed that my younger sis could say sorry umpteen times to her ex-gf but not even once to my elder sis. I read an article ages back discussing how humans never or seldom say thank you or sorry to family members. Back then, I already knew the article was spot on since I am guilty myself. What happened between my sisters further reiterated the point. We are all too self absorbed in our own pursuits till the extent of taking our family members for granted. Although I haven't improved a whole lot, I am certainly trying to appreciate my family members more.

I know my family will never go back to the way it was during my younger days but in the last couple of years, the situation has improved rather significantly. I want it to continue improving and an argument like this is definitely a step back. I am praying hard that there will not be any manifestations...

Psychology...

2008-10-09T03:52:00.000+08:00

"Psycho!!!!!!!!!!!" Who's calling me???

Here's a lil trivia for those who haven't known, my nickname is "Psycho". Seriously, it's not a term that most pple like to be associated with. I'm sure you dun like pple calling you that rite. Oh well, I have being carrying this tag for more than 10 years now. It was given to me by a primary school fren and all these years, I haven't been able to shake it off.

If you ask me, I can't quite remember why my primary school fren gave me this nickname. On hindsight, it's quite an appropriate nickname. I like to see myself as being different to my peers and I think most would agree with me. I am kinda deviant, eccentric and bold in many aspects.

Isn't it fitting for a psycho to study psychology... Maybe it's not quite a coincidence that I didn't get personal financial planning for my GEMS. Whatever it is, it doesn't really matter since I have always been interested in neuro science. Human's thinking, behaviour and emotions have always been a captivation. Maybe some of you may be shocked to hear this, I ever aspired to be a psychiatrist. Lol!!!!!

Furthermore, there's also a chance of me getting to know myself more. The only pity is that I have to take this GEM alone. I would definitely do with some company but I am not that sort to cry when there is none. At the very least, I can walk hand in hand with PY to T16 and T17 every fri. Hahaha!!!! Just kidding la, dun take it to heart k, PY.

To my dear Fmus1,

"In the words of a broken heart, it's just emotions taking me over, caught up in a sorrow, lost in the song...." Emotions - by Bee Gees

Fmus1, we are nothing but mere mortals. More often than not, we allow emotions to govern us. That's why you cried even when you promised you would never cry for a man again. It's ok to cry so dun get pissed with urself for breaking the promise k. Anyway, Timbre has no rights to make you cry. He fricking hell shouldn't even be in the position to judge you like dat. If I could have my way, I would throw the timbre pizza straight at him. That's the only thing he deserves... Dun brood over it too much k. You know I am always there for you. Anything just give me a call k. Lots of love, your Fmus2...

What a FIND!!!

2008-10-07T04:10:00.000+08:00

Pretty soon, my school vacation will be coming to an end. Honestly speaking, I am kinda looking forward to it. Call me crazy or whatever have you... I find this rather startling as well. In all the years I have been schooling, I believe this is the first time I want my vacation to end asap. I believe the mundane routine of tuitions after tuitions is taking its toll on me. Aarrgghh!!!!! How I envy HH!?!?!?

Oh well, this vacation isn't all dull and boring. There were a few odd occasions that I really enjoyed myself. SQ's bday chalet and Zouk party, Cheryl's farewell dinner, Sentosa outing with 09 clique, admiring Luctricia and Pro-evolution soccer at Lucas' place, and the most recent Zouk outing with my NS buddies indeed lifted some gloom from all the tuitions. Yes, I know giving tuitions is good money and I count myself lucky to be smart enough to do it. However, it is very mentally and emotionally draining. Hai~ Watching Kaiwen's waning interest in her studies worries me a hell lot. Her family has been nothing but nice to me and furthermore, I see her more like a younger sister to me than my student. Hopefully I can talk some sense into her and try to salvage the situation.

Just when you think the chips are down, there's always a possibility that something uplifting or inspiring would come along. This is exactly what had happened to me. Had been digging up some of my forgotten stuff of late and I stumbled upon my "Numero 2" diary and "Tuesdays with Morrie" storybook. Both given to me by my Fmus1. If I could, I wouldn't but somehow I was compelled to open up the diary and read my previous entries. Going through those entries put me on a time warp, all the way back to a couple of years ago. Not only did the diary serve as a painful memento of my less than glamorous past, it also reminded me that my command of English has worsened. Contrary to my nature, I was more affected by the latter than the former. This is probably a sign of how much I have changed in the past 2 years. By no chance am I gonna let myself slump. In light of this, I told myself back then that I have to start reading again.

Start, I certainly did. Have been reading for the past few days during my journeys to the various tuition venues. Well... No prizes for guessing which is the first book. Fmus1 wrote some sort of a disclaimer on the back of the cover stating that it is a life-changing book, read with caution. To a certain degree, I am beginning to get what she meant. 'Tuesdays with Morrie" isn't quite changing my life yet but it has absolutely given me a new perspective on certain aspects of life. On a spiritual level, this book might just turn out to be a gem.

Whether I have unearthed a gem from my closet remains to be seen. Nevertheless, I have definitely found something of materialistic gratification last Sat at Zouk. A 160GB Ipod, at a time I need it most!!!!! I am not someone you might call musically inclined or musician. Still, I need my fair share of music to keep myself entertained and hearing pleasure has been at a premium ever since that absurd demand from a particular girl. The only downside is that I have to buy the Ipod USB cable and charger. Heck! It is still very worth it whatever way I look at it. Very soon I will be able to let the music heal my soul again...

Around the World in 60 Years...

2008-10-02T04:06:00.000+08:00

Was reading someone's blog just now and saw some pics of her recent Hong Kong trip. I couldn't help but reminisced about my previous Hong Kong and taiwan trips. Hai~ It has been so long since I travelled overseas.

The more I think about the fun I had when I was in Taiwan with the Tummy Gang, the more desire I have to go on a holiday with my frenz again. It doesn't really matter if it's the GMH clique, Tummy Gang or poly clique. I JUST WANNA GO OVERSEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Singapore is way too small and I can say I am someone rather adventurous. I dun wanna be confined in such a puny island for the rest of my life. Widening my horizon is what I wanna do and I wish I can visit several countries during my lifetime. Given my less than healthy lifestyle, I set my lifespan at 60 years old. That means I have about 36 years to go to fulfill this dream.

So which are the countries I wanna visit??? Erm... Let me think... I definitely wanna visit Taipei and Hong Kong a second time. Taipei was real fun the other time round so I really crave for that experience again. As for HK, it didn't quite turn out to be what I expected the last time I went there but I know it should be more enjoyable if the company is right. So I am willing to give it another try. Since these 2 countries are relatively cheaper compared to the rest of the countries I wanna go, I hope I can accomplish this before going Uni or started working.

Being a Chinese, I believe it's a must to go China as well. China is pretty big and I am not really very enthusiastic bout visiting the rural areas. My most likely destination in China should be Beijing and Shanghai. If possible, I wanna cover the whole of the Great Wall of China. Lol!!!! This will be some remarkable feat. Let's pray I would still have the legs to do it.

On the topic of Asia, I can't possibly give Japan and South Korea a miss. For Japan, Tokyo and Hokkaido certainly!!! South Korea wise, I think I need to consult Ah Du. I know nuts bout the country except its capital is Seoul. Nonetheless, the korean language itself is worth me checking out the country. Still on Asia, even though I dun quite like Thailand, not going to Bangkok is still rather weird. If I am not mistaken, it was voted the favourite tourists' city last year or early this year so I guess it should have some drawpoints. This should be about it for Asia coz the rest of the countries aren't as developed. Fmus1 can stand living in shabby conditions but I can't. Just imagine how much I would panic and run about in the middle of the night if a cockroach or whatsoever insects come flying or crawling close to me. EEekkss_____

Moving to another continent, Eygpt is the only African country that I have some interest in. Don't you just find the pyramids fascinating.... I wanna witness it at close proximity and be in awe with one of the greatest wonders on the face of earth.

Moving again to Europe, there are quite a few countries that I will absolutely regret not visiting. First up will be England. Being an avid Man Utd supporter, it's a no brainer that I have to go Manchester one day, by hook or by crook. Die die also must go.... The other city in England would be London, the capital. Just gotta go there for the sake of it or maybe bcoz of the London Bridge. Hahaha!!! Across the channel, France is also a very beautiful country. "Bonjour!" I wanna wake up in Paris and have croissant for breakfast...

Not far away, there is Italy. When you talk about Italy, Rome and Milan come up to your mind. At least for me, that is what it is. Rome for its Vatican and the gladiator arena; Milan for its luxury brands. How can we even forget about Mendi's favourite Spain! Erm... Dun really know a lot bout Spain except for Barcelona and Madrid so these will be the 2 cities I wanna visit. Lastly for Europe, it will be Holland, Amsterdam. A city full of vices - prostitution, gambling, drugs and whatever have you. I am so gonna get my hands on the marijuana brownie. Thinking of it makes me drool~

The last country on my wishlist is America. To a certain degree, I have being influenced by its culture and naturally so I have intentions of paying it a visit. America is also kinda big ya. No chance I am visiting all the states and cities. At the moment, I can only think of Las Vegas, LA, California, Miami and New York.

Wow!!! This is certainly a long and expensive list of countries. Well... I have an estimated 36 years to make it happen. The only stumbling block is whether I can live that long. Only god knows...

Blog Surfing...

2008-09-30T04:08:00.000+08:00

Not quite sure if there is such a term, but since there is channel surfing - switching from channel to channel on the TV - I guess it should be kinda appropriate to use blog surfing if I jump from blog to blog. When you are wide awake in the middle of the night with nothing better to do, it's not quite an anomaly to resort in such an act.

Just a while back, I visited Huilan's, Shermeen's, Yingxian's, Nana's, Shiqi's, Panying's and Sherilyn's blogs. Why this assortment of characters, you may ask? Well... I must say it's pretty random when you are bored. Actually, I have always been following Shiqi's and Panying's. It's the others that may be baffling to some people I presume.

Before anyone come asking "Avan, you like her, her, her and her ah?", I think it's best I clarify myself. While checking out SQ's blog, I saw Huilan and Yingxian on her links and I thought these 2 names sound familiar. So out of curiosity, I just clicked on their names lor. One is Shiping's gf and the other is my former DBA12 classmate. It's no wonder I find their names so familiar la... As for Nana, I have always found her kinda exotic so it's only natural that I follow her blog from time to time rite. Shermeen ah... Erm... No particular reason really. Maybe I haven't gotten the chance to really talk to her lately so just wanna find out how she's doing. In truth, I think I found out more bout her from her blog than the whole of our 09 days. Isn't it a shame! Anyway, I dun think it's ever too late to know a person rite. Lastly, it's Sherilyn. I am not afraid to admit that I find her rather talented. It's more of admiration than infatuation, purely platonic. I won't tolerate any gossips or teasings on this context k. LOL!!!! We all know she's very sporty. If I'm not mistaken, she plays table tennis and Muay Thai!!! Table tennis I can understand but Mauy Thai for a girl....... That's way insane!!! I really have to give it to her for this. Surprise surprise!!! Having praised her so much, the thing bout her that impresses me the most is her command of English. So yup, I am quite interested in reading blogs from those with good command of English.

I dunno why pple keep saying my English is good. Frankly speaking, I feel my command of English is pretty mediocre. When compared to SHerilyn, I pale in comparison. And not only her, I have so many friends that are way better than me. According to my own standards, I still regard myself as somewhat of a cheeeena pork. Dun get me wrong here. I dun discriminate against chinese speaking pple k. I just wanna be more bilingual if not multilingual.

Pple say "pictures paint a thousand words" which I totally agree. Judging by the number of pictures uploaded onto blogs nowadays, I am confident to say many share the same sentiments. In spite of that, pictures are still something complementary. I firmly believe words are still the primary channel of delivering messages. This probably explains the chronic lack of pictures in my blog. Hahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

To me, language is a beautiful thing just like soccer. If you are very proficient in a particular language, you can really make wonders with words. As of now, I have to say I am still very far from that level of articulation. Hai~ In fact, I am kinda retrograding. To think I am gonna give a china girl tuition on English. Dun have the slightest bit of idea how it's gonna work out. Let's just hope she can improve my Chinese and I can return the favour in the opposite direction...

Luctricia...

2008-09-25T03:30:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, I hope I have gotten the name right, if not Lucas is so gonna kill me. Well... Luctricia is quite a unique name and I have always had a penchant for unique names. I think it's pretty apparent since my name, Avan, is also pretty unique. Lol!!!!! Dun anyone even dare beg to differ... So who exactly is Luctricia???? Why not you make a guess!

Come on... Cut me some slack. I know most of you must be thinking it's my new fling or a new girl that I like. Hai~ Stereotypers... Seriously, I believe I deserve more credit than most of you are giving me. Whatever it is, you think I really care... My close frenz know what kinda person I am and they dun despise me so there really isn't any reason I should change rite. At the very least, Lucas will understand. Hahaha!!!

Let's get straight to the point. I must admit Luctricia is a girl. (Duh~ As if pple can't tell from the name.) Get that thought outta ur head coz there're definitely imbeciles out there who really can't tell so this is just a benefit to them. To make myself clear, she's not my fling and never will be. However, there's a very high chance that I will like her. If time permits, I might even be seeing her more frequently. She is cute and I can have the peace of mind that she wun judge me, betray me, scold me, slap me, or even argue with me. She just leaves all other girls trailing in her wake.

If only she is my angel... Hai~ Too bad, she's not mine. Lucas has the luxury to see her everyday. Bro, you really gotta work harder to cherish her ya. Maybe if possible, I can be her godfather or something. Lol!!!! Me being a godfather, really hard to imagine. The bottomline is I love kids, so I suppose I can be a good one. I think I am getting a lil carried away. Lol!!! Nah~ Me being a good godfather or not is irrelevant, it is imperative that Lucas be a good father. Parenting is definitely no easy job. I am quietly confident that Lucas will be one so you have all my well wishes and blessings for your newborn baby, Luctricia...

PS: The mambo entry is kinda long ya. I promise to finish it within this couple of days k.

Mambo Jambo...

2008-09-22T00:39:00.000+08:00

Whenever you hear "Mambo Jambo", you can't help but think of Zouk. I suppose this is a natural phenomenon since "Mambo Jambo" at Zouk has been ard for ages and really did put us on the world clubbing scene. On a personal note, Zouk is definitely my favourite club. It's such a pity that I haven't been clubbing often lately, let alone go Zouk. However, I did pay Zouk a visit last wed for the 2nd instalment of SQ's bday.

Before I commence on that night's events, it's a gentle reminder that the remaining entry contains disgusting contents so pusillanimous readers should refrain from going any further. You have been warned! I shall not be held liable for any mental or physical disturbance. Lol!!!!

Let us now begin...

The cast for that night were Shiqi, Jolene, Hai Hong, Singkiat, Kelvin, Ernest and me. Since it was meant to be Shiqi's post bday celebration, she was undoubtedly given the lead actress role and hell! did she not perform well. Hahaha!!!!!!!!! Having said so, Hai Hong stole her limelight totally. If this was a comedy, he would have won best comedian hands down. Even if he didn't, he had already won an award in my heart for his immaculate depiction of the role he was given. Kudos to you, Hai Hong...

The night started out like this... SQ, SK, HH and I met up earlier at Orchard Mrt to go out for dinner. In order to spend more at Zouk, we decided to have something nice and yet reasonably priced so I brought them to Lucky Plaza. For those who have no idea where Lucky Plaza is, it is located just opposite Takashimaya and Filippinos flood the place on Sundays. We went to this Rabbit Restaurant (not sure if I got the name right, it's irrelavant anyway) for some chinese delicacies. All of us ordered baby abalone with rice except for SQ. She went for "Buddha Jump Over the Wall" instead. Although I dunno if that was foresight or just plain luck on her part, the one thing I do know is that she made the right choice and she was really glad and relieved with the smart choice. Well... It is not so much of the baby abalone with rice being crappy. In fact, the the baby kailan more than complement the abalone and top with black oyster sauce, it just leaves your tastebuds craving for more. Truth be told, all of us really enjoyed our dinner. The reason why I am bringing this part up is due to the its significance in the latter stages.

Knowing how crowded Zouk can be on Wed nights, we hurriedly met up with the rest and headed down to Zouk. I can still remember vividly the time we reached Zouk, it was 945pm. Without further delay, we entered by Phuture entrance so that we could check out the whole Zouk, barring Velvet Underground. I was the only one whom have been there before hence, I did my part and showed them ard. After making our rounds, I suggested we hung out at Phuture first before settling at the main arena where "Mambo Jambo" is. Fortunately, we were able to find a space just beside the deejay area with a wooden fixture to place our drinks. Thinking back, it was quite a mistake for the guys to ask for drinks recommendation. I told them it's 1 for 1 and if they really wanna drink, they should try Zouk's Long Island Tea. It is definitely one of the most potent drink you can find in Zouk. They trusted my experience and heeded my advice. What they didn't know is that they had started their own demise or perhaps HH's... Lol!!!!

With their 2 jugs of Long Island Tea and my Lychee Martini, we went back to our area and started playing 5-10. From our game of 5-10, I have come to a realization - HH is damn fricking noob. He was standing to my left initially and kept losing till he couldn't take it and swapped positions with SK. He thought that would helped but let me tell you, when you are a noob, there's no escaping... His losing streak didn't seem to cease and with that, his drinking punishment continued. So much so that he finished almost one whole jug by himself at the end of the game.

It would take a no-brainer to guess the next outcome. If I could lie outside Copthorne barely conscious after downing one jug of Long Island Tea, there was no chance for HH to fare any better. I shall now unravel HH's journey of intoxication... Within a short span of time after our 5-10 game, HH got into his groove and started dancing to the hip-hop beat. Being a dance enthusiast myself, I joined HH on the dance floor as the crowd was warming up with the happy hours drawing to a close. It wasn't too long before HH drew my attention to his dancing. It was certainly unorthodox and unique. Lol!!!!! "HH should really audition for So You Think You Can Dance!" I thought to myself. Let's be frank here. There's no hell of a chance HH is gonna win the competition. However, he will definitely get his 10 seconds of fame. "So You Think You Can Dance" always show snippets of hilarious dancers during their auditions episodes and in my honest opinion, no one is gonna begrudge HH the chance of being one of those featured dancers. If you think I am exaggerating, you really have no fricking idea how funny it was. Even the rest of the casts were drawn to HH like bees to honey. All of us were laughing our heads off. Try to imagine HH dancing with his eyes almost closing in a combination of hip-hop, retro, erotica and contemporary and you will get the slightest bit of idea. This was HH's first stage of intoxication - getting high and losing control of his limps, just dancing vigorously to the music and being oblivious to his surroundings.

Right up to this point, all of us were having quite a lot of fun just watching HH. But clubbing isn't just about watching drunkards do their stuff so we did a bit of our own dancing and teasing. For my trouble, I got slapped real hard on the face by HH when I was teasing and dancing right in front of him. HH hor... Brother brother can slap me so hard is it! Nvm... Considering you were fricking high, I won't hold it against you. At the very least, I wasn't the only one with mishap. Shiqi got her beloved white hairband broken into two.... The only difference being HH wasn't the antagonist. So who among the cast had such a grudge against SQ to go till the extent of breaking her beloved hairband?

Suspect 1, Kelvin, was undoubted the one with the clearest motive. To a certain degree, he was victimized by the clique due to the sour breakup. Compounding to his misery, he still had to give SQ a bday present. If you think logically, the 2 reasons mentioned could well instigate his malicious attack on SQ's hairband.

Suspect 2, Sing Kiat, was the least active among the cast that night. He was too busy smsing. Furthermore, SQ is his so called "sister". But, if you factor in his relationship with Audrey, his suspicion couldn't be discounted given the bad blood between SQ and the two 02 girls.

Suspect 3, Hai Hong, was way into his own world. Struggling to even stand properly and yet still somehow managed to dance the way he did. On the surface, he seemed too tipsy to have any hidden agenda on SQ's hairband. On the contrary, the intoxication might just be a charade - something HH is fricking good at. We all know how SQ likes to hurl verbal abuses at HH. It could be HH had reached his threshold and masterminded everything the moment we stepped into Zouk.

Suspect 4, me, was too engrossed watching the dance battle on the dancefloor. Moreover, I had to look after my lil bro, HH, in fear that he might offend others by hitting them with his swinging arms unknowingly. As and when I could, I would grooved to the music. Hence, there really wasn't any chance of me getting close to SQ's hairband. Without an alibi, I couldn't prove my innocence. And not forgetting to mention I was also the organizer of the Zouk outing. It could have been a ploy for me to have an opportunity to get back at SQ and her defenceless hairband was the obvious target.

Suspect 5, Ernest, was busy teasing HH most of the time. As and when convenient, he would dance or hug Jolene so he was pretty occupied just like me. Among us, he is the one least close to SQ since he is not from 09. Compared to us, the duration he has known SQ is relatively short so it's hard for him to have any animosity towards her. On the other hand, we cannot forget how much time he spent talking to SQ's family at the chalet. To the naked eye, it might be nothing more than socializing since Ernest is also a Malaysian. Nevertheless, there is also a possibility that Ernest wants to get into SQ's good books given her family background. By breaking SQ's hairband without her knowledge, SQ would most likely be upset and then Ernest could lend her his shoulders and comfort her. In this way, SQ would be grateful if not smitten.

Suspect 6, Jolene, was the one spending the most time with SQ. They were literally inseparable except for the few odd moments when Jolene was dancing or being hugged by Ernest. Inevitably, Jolene had the most opportunities to do damage to SQ's hairband. Judging by how close they are, it is hard to imagine Jolene having such a malicious intent. In spite of that, Jolene could be feeling the heat of peer pressure. SQ was extremely hardworking in the past semester and there's a likelihood that Jolene was green eyed about it.

As you can see, each and everyone of the cast had their own motives. Who was the culprit? This question will be answered in the next post of this entry. Stay tuned...

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Sorry for the wait but part 2 is here at long last...

Before I unravel the mystery, I need all 09 pple to think bout how you find Jolene. To me, she looks kinda frail probably bcoz of her low blood count. She's also very mild-tempered and courteous. Can you imagine there's still someone saying "da jia ci" in this modern era! From what I know, she's also pretty well off. Oh ya, her body proportion is like 4-6 or maybe even 3-7. Lol!!! Her legs seem a tad too long for her body. And just recently, I have found another side of her. She's pretty caring towards her friends.

All in all, Jolene doesn't come across as a malicious person to me. However, you can never judge a book by its cover. For reasons not known to anyone, she broke SQ's hairband with her secret weapon, her super duper ultimate impregnable shiny braces. If not for the hairband, SQ's head could have been the one broken into 2. Well... The most amazing thing was that Jolene really concealed her intentions and brushed it off as accidental. To think that SQ actually believed her and carried on dancing.

What an amazing 2 days!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-18T05:21:00.000+08:00

Finally, it's over... 2 days of fun, laughter, tears, booze and loads of puking... Phew~ Just so glad that almost everyone had a great time and my liver can officially go on a break from alcohol.

The past 2 days had really been a blast. In all honesty, I really gotta thank my poly mates for the experience. Judging by how things went, it's safe to say the chalet had been quite a success. Well, well... You just have to look at who was the organizing chairman. Lol!!!!!!!!! Bo la... Just kidding. It was more a collective effort from everyone, even Hai Hong. I have been to countless chalets but this one was a lil different. It had everything barring sex and gambling. Although it was only for 1 night, I witnessed so many different emotions and relationships. The organizing committee coming up with so many bday surprises for shiqi and actually put in so much effort to make them happen; this is what I call friendship. Shiqi's family taking time off to travel all the way down to the chalet and be part of the bday surprises; this would be kinship. Me helping HH wiped his mouth with my bare hand after he finished puking; this is nothing but brotherhood.

As for emotions, nothing beats joy and the chalet was filled with that. From the decibels of our laughter, it is really not hard to imagine how much we were enjoying ourselves. It certainly took a while to warm up at the beginning but when the alcohol came in, it reached dizzy heights. Most of us were laughing hysterically during the games and rightly so with HH being as comical as he was. I have absolutely no room for imagination how dull the chalet would be if HH wasn't around. I believe no one present at the chalet would challenge me on this. If any of you even think of diminishing HH's importance to our fun and laughter, I suggest you think again. Just recall how he illustrated "yuan yang" during the charade game. It was simply hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looking back now, was he actually thinking of having sex or the bloody lovebirds??? I am not being sadistic but even HH puking was also so funny. Maybe he's HH, that's why...

Like the saying goes, all good things got to come to an end. We were making so much noise that our neighbours complained. Things started to cool down after we were warned by the management. I supposed the warning came at bout the right time since some of us were already having problems standing up. Nope... Dun you dare even go there. I wasn't referring to the guys ok. It was more like Ruth and Esther cozying up on the bed, barely able to move their butts. After which, those still sober or thought they were sober, made their way down to the beach for a somewhat solemn heart to heart chat. Without a shadow of doubt, I was one of those. Even before we could step out of Downtown East, HH started puking!! Apparently, he was no where near sober but insisted on joining us to the beach coz he's such a gossip monger if you know what I mean.

After HH was done puking, we made our way down to the beach and sat ard a bbq pit for our deep conversation. Oh ya... Before I start on the conversation, I need to clarify on something. I wasn't trying to attract attention or whatsoever when I stripped to my boxers at the beach. Due to the alcohol content in my blood, the devil inside me was awaking inside me. He was instigating me to do something crazy. Frankly speaking, I have been able to keep this side of me in check over the last couple of years but the control is normally weakened when I feel very down or tipsy. I was actually contemplating jumping into the sea to cool myself down. Like I mentioned earlier, a couple of years back, I would have done it without any reservation. Thankfully, I came to my senses after much deliberation. God bless me for not doing it...

Okok, now back to our deep conversation. That HH was so eager to hear but before Ben could start on why he broke up wit Amanda, he felt asleep from the exhaustion of puking. Well... HH was lucky coz I was listening attentively to Ben throughout the whole conversation. Ben indeed had many things to say. He just kept going and going for a good whole 3 hours at least or so I thought. Since Ernest isn't from 09, he got bored and tired mid-way through and took a short puking break by the sea. Believe me, his puking was loud, as loud as he described it to be. Lol!!!!! Ben just went from Amanda to his family issues and lastly to friends. Watching and listening to him speak was reminiscent of me speaking a few years back. There were so many similarities. The resemblance is probably one of the reasons why I dislike Ben. Anyway, the animosity towards him seems to have dissipated somewhat after that conversation. So after Ben finished his revelation, it was my turn to give me 2 cents worth.

Seeing how restless HH and Ernest were, I decided to cut my long story short, real short. I spoke bout my past relationships, family and my opinions of PY, Ben, Kel and SK. Honestly speaking, I had no idea how much the rest wanted to hear but thought it would be good to share my experiences and perspectives since I am older. When I got to the topic of Kel, SQ started crying again. It was a can of worms I had to open so she can learn from the experience. Omg!!! This entry is getting way too long. I shall end it soon. Fastfoward mode___________ After me, PY took the stand and shared her views and stuff. Knowing PY, she didn't really talk much and when it all ended, it was already 8 plus in the morning. The few hours at the beach was in stark contrast to the time we spent in the chalet. I could sense sorrow, haplessness and remorse. Even so, it was still a form of enjoyment listening to your frenz confide.

All in all, it was certainly a memorable chalet and I am keeping my fingers crossed that more will follow in the future...

Bacardi 151...

2008-09-15T03:19:00.001+08:00

If you haven't tried it before, I suggest you don't. It's probably one of the strongest liquor you can find in Singapore or even the rest of the world. It's 77% alcohol for crying out loud!!! Definitely not one for the faint-hearted...

Given my distaste of alcohol, there's no reason why I should be pouring 3 shooters of this poison down my gullet. Well... Certain occasions call for the need of alcohol and last night was one of it. Firstly, my beloved Man Utd lost 2-1 to the team I hate most, Liverpool. Secondly, it was a treat from someone who obviously wanted me fricking tipsy. Thirdly, I couldn't have done what I did afterwards without alcohol in my blood stream.

Since it was nothing glamorous, it's best I not be too explicit about it. So those that know about it, pls keep it to yourself. If there was ever an appropriate analogy to describe what I did, I would say downing the 3 shooters of Bacardi 151. It was certainly fast and furious. The initial stage leading up to the penultimate event was money and time consuming. It was somewhat draining mentally and physically considering the stigma attached to it; drawing the similarity of drinking the poison. You question yourself if you should be drinking it knowing full well the likely outcome. Not to mention the taste is simply awful and it burns ur throat a whole lot. However, the kick comes fast. Before you even know it, you can feel the intoxication. This is where I relate to the penultimate event. It came earlier than I expected and ended in a flash. After which, the hangover starts to kick in and you wish you were better off dead. You feel the whole world is spinning and your head is gonna explode anytime, making you regret drinking it in the first place. Oh well... When I had what I wanted, I realised it wasn't that fun after all causing me to think of ways to end it. Remorse started to set in and I just couldn't help but wonder about the consequences that were to follow.

Just keeping my fingers crossed that nothing will happen...

Tanya's bday out, Shiqi's next...

2008-09-12T02:35:00.000+08:00

Tanya & Me at Delphi restaurant

Went Delphi restaurant for some spicy and tantalising north indian food just now for dinner with Tanya, Reena & Evonne. It was some kinda simple bday treat for Tanya since it was her bday. The company was good, the food simply delicious. It's a place I highly recommend coz the price is reasonable as well. (Reena, Tanya only sent me this pic so it is the only one I can upload. Dun let ur imagination run wild hor.)

This aside, I am looking forward to Shiqi's bday coz I m like the honorary organizer and treasurer. That incompetent Ivy has been dethroned by me. Lol!!!!!!!! Chalet on the 16th and Zouk on the 17th. I anticipate a busy week ahead. As for now, I have to come up with the itinerary for the chalet which is of utmost importance. Can you imagine how boring the chalet would be if everyone is sian sian.... But me alone won't be able to make it fun. No doubt I can come up wit the games and activities, the rest needs to participate enthusiastically to make things happen. This being said, I really need the co-operation from everyone that is going.

This group of pple better not let me down and be more sporting hor.

Damn Insomnia....

2008-09-11T06:28:00.000+08:00

AAArrghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't fucking sleep!!! Every single night when I go to bed and try to sleep, thoughts just come rushing into my head when I close my eyes. What's the fricking problem with me???

If this continues, there's a high chance I'm gonna lose my sanity. Reena was just telling me a few hours back how amazed she is with the way I managed to keep myself sane under all those adversities. Sorry Reena, that may well be in danger if my insomnia persists.

So what actually was I thinking when I tried to get some sleep a while ago... I think Fmus1 will be glad to hear this. I was actually fantasizing how great it would be to have a gf in school, someone who knows my other classmates pretty well. I must be out of my mind to be thinking bout such things. Well... Maybe I really yearn for someone who can influence me on my studies and also have fun with along with my other frenz in school. In all honesty, I already have an idea of who this person is but unfortunately, we don't quite share the same sentiments. So my Fmus1, don't be too happy just yet coz ur Fmus2 isn't quite a heartthrob in school ya. Lol!!!!!!!

Anyway, it's Sep 11 today and it does bear a fair bit of significance to me. Pls dun get me wrong here. I am not such a humanitarian to really bother bout those that were killed during the terrorists' attack on the twin tower. This date just brings back some memories that I wish I rather not hold. Nonetheless, it should still be commemorated coz it marks the birth of one of my buddies, Edward. Bro.... Happy Birthday!!!!!!!! Enjoy ur KL trip with Kaizhen but dun tiao kia k. Hahahaha!!!

A Sudden Dawn of Light...

2008-09-07T04:42:00.000+08:00

It certainly came at the wrong timing. I was lying on my spacious bed trying to get a few hours of precious sleep before my tuition but I just couldn't wander off into slumberland. Trains of thoughts just came rushing into my head, keeping me wide awake till 7 in the morning. Aaarrghh!!!!!!!! How I dreaded that... Nonetheless, the wasted sleep was well worth.

Contradicting, I may sound but it is no where near. I like to sleep so it's only natural to complain about my deprived sleeping time. On the other hand, the thoughts that kept me awake might just shape my life now and in the future. So what exactly came into my mind??? You must be asking. Well... It's quite the mundane stuff like how to make more money; how to convince my siblings to invest in my penthouse; how to finance my uni education. In all honesty, I have been thinking about all these for quite a long while now so what distinguishing difference did I derived upon yesterday morning. The answer is .................................................SCHOLARSHIP!!!!

Like what FMUS1 said, I am one hell of a procrastinator. I suppose this stems from the fact that I lack discipline. Since discipline cannot be conjured from within, it has to be instilled extrinsically. Having a scholarship is one fricking good way of doing so. Dun any of you even think that I am delusional or anything of that sort coz I am not, and far from it. No one says that it's gonna be easy to obtain a scholarship. I see it as a viable option that is attainable with a tremendous amount of hard work. If I can secure this option for my uni studies, I am confident to say my future is pretty much mapped out the way I want it to be.

But.... There is alway a but ya know. I need to be able to study in a local uni in the first place. That means my gpa for poly gotta be 3.4 if not 3.5. Erm.... Where can I find the discipline from for this, I wonder??? I will figure something out real soon and I desperate need to. Panying and Shiqi are already working so hard. Very soon, a lot more will follow suit. I cannot be left in their wake. What if, what if even Mendi becomes so god damn studious and hardworking??? Omg!!! Unimaginable... "Mendi is catching up... Mendi is catching up..." This is what I need to remind myself every single day.

Relax & Rejoice...

2008-09-01T05:15:00.000+08:00

Phew~ For how long have I been wanting to let out this sigh of relief. The dreaded exams is finally out of the way. Although I still have to give loads of tuitions, I dun have to hit the books for another 6 weeks. Come everyone, do rejoice with me...

To tell ya the truth, this is the first time in the last couple of years that I felt really relaxed. It's as if I'm a free man again. Well... Technically I am since I have already broken up with Mei and hell! ain't I reaping the benefits. Mark my words, this relaxation of my mind is absolutely invaluable!!!

Apart from this, I am enjoying every minute of my own personal space. No more interference or anything of that sort. I can pretty much do anything I want, anywhere I prefer and anytime I desire. With quite a few activities lined up this holiday, the last thing I need is someone breathing down my neck telling me I can't do this or I can't do that. Fricking annoying isn't it!!!

For instance, I doubt I would be able to join my FMUS1 at Butter Factory last fri if I was still attached. What a show I would have missed if that was the case... Thankfully, I was on hand to witness everything and believe me when I say I am real glad. And why shouldn't I! Seeing 2 of my close friends enjoying themselves in different ways. Hahahaha!!! Btw, I am referring to Teh and my FMUS1. Benny is as usual, disappointing. Before I go any further, I must make it clear that I'm not condoning what really happened that night but I am never against having fun so since all parties were willing, then fricking screw all the morals and have a blast.

I am so looking forward to the next session. I mean seeing your friends enjoy themselves is quite a joy to behold. Let's hope the next time round, it will be benny or mendi coz that will truly be a sight to savour for the rest of my life...

ONE OF MY BIGGEST MISTAKE SO FAR!!!

2008-08-27T04:53:00.000+08:00

PARDON ME BUT I JUST GOTTA TYPE THIS ENTRY IN BOLD AND CAPS COZ I'M FUMING, REALLY FUMING. THIS NEW BLOG OF MINE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO CONTAIN ANY UNHAPPY ENTRY BUT I'M SO MAD RIGHT NOW THAT I JUST GOTTA RANT IT OUT.

AS IF MEI HASN'T CAUSED ME ENOUGH TORMENT, SHE JUST GOTTA DROPPED ANOTHER BOMBSHELL. HONESTLY SPEAKING, WHAT IS THE FRICKING PROBLEM WITH HER??? I'M BAFFLED, ABSOLUTELY BAFFLED BY HER IMMATURITY. HOW IS IT POSSBILE THAT SOMEONE IN HER THIRTIES CAN CONTRIVE TO BEHAVE IN SUCH A WAY??? SIMPLY PREPOSTEROUS...

LAST NIGHT, SHE MSG ME TO RETURN EVERYTHING THAT SHE HAD BOUGHT FOR ME. THE THOUGHT OF RELINQUISHING THE ITEMS IS ALREADY HARD TO SWALLOW. HER REASONING IS EVEN MORE ABSURB. WHY CAN'T SHE TAKE A BREAK-UP LIKE AN ADULT INSTEAD OF RESORTING TO ALL THESE NAIVE ACTS!!!

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, AS MUCH AS I LIKE MOST OF THE ITEMS, I HAVE NO QUALMS IN RETURNING THEM TO HER. I JUST WANT THIS DEBACLE TO END ASAP. I'M PISSED WITH MYSELF TO HAVING STARTED THIS WHOLE THING. WAS I BLIND BACK THEN TO SEE ANY GOOD IN HER??? OH GOODNESS ME, IF THERE WAS A TIME MACHINE, I WOULD TAKE IT IN A HEARTBEAT AND UNDO ALL THESE CRAP. THE BOTTOMLINE IS THIS HAS TO GO DOWN AS ONE OF MY BIGGEST MISTAKE SO FAR IN LIFE.

ARGHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I REALLY DUN WANNA TO STOOP TO HER LEVEL BUT I AM LESS THAN CONTENDED TO LET HER HAVE HER WAY. BLOODY HELL!!! I THINK I HAVE TO THROW MY MORALS OUT OF THE WINDOW WHEN DEALING WITH PEOPLE LIKE THAT. HERE, I'M TRYING NOT TO LOSE MY HEAD AND SHE JUST GOTTA INSIST ON PUSHING ME SO CLOSE TO THE EDGE. FINE... SHE WANNA WAGE A WAR, SHE WILL HAVE ONE. LET'S SEE WHO WILL BE AT THE LOSING END...

Neoprint!!!

2008-08-26T22:03:00.000+08:00

Yes, yes... I know I'm 24 already but that doesn't mean I can't take neoprints. I'm young at heart ok, in case you haven't known. Anyway, this is like my first in dunno how many donkey years. It was taken at cineleisure with some of my 09 classmates. Really enjoyed myself that day with the likes of my lil bro, Hai Hong, around. We took quite a few shots but I'm only uploading 2 of my favourites. Enjoy...

Am I relishing singlehood???

2008-08-24T04:34:00.000+08:00

With regards to the title of this post, I'm still kinda sitting on the fence. What I do know is I'm so looking forward to this weekend!!! Well... I guess it's not hard to imagine after 2 exam papers and several tuitions. Phew~ One more paper to go and it'll be the long awaited holidays.

So what have I done for this weekend so far??? Erm... Let me think. The 1 thing of note was meeting my FMUS1 on friday night at AMK Garden Mac. To tell ya the truth, I thoroughly enjoyed the chilling out session. It has been a long while since I last spent quality time with my FMUS1. We talked about almost anything from soccer, relationship, work, studies to even marriage and having kids. How often do you share such connection and understanding with someone else??? Very very comfortable is how I feel with my FMUS1. Isn't this fascinating!!! To think we were in the same sec school but never did notice each other's existence until a few years back. From time to time, I just can't help but wonder how compatible a couple we can be. HAHAHA!!! That's probably daydreaming on my part given the other factors. Anyway, I'm just glad I have my FMUS1 and it's a friendship I truly cherish. I can only hope for a future gf with the same sort of chemistry.

Hang on a moment... I shouldn't even be thinking about having a gf or anything along the line at this moment. Although I'm not sure if I'm relishing singlehood right now, relationship is more of a liability currently. Come on... Enjoy the perks of singlehood a lil. It's true I'm forgoing companionship and other stuff but in return, I have freedom. No more worrying, no more answering to anyone. I can pretty much do whatever I like. Deep down inside, I know this is what I am craving for so I should embrace singlehood. To hell with companionship and the other crap! I have my friends and honestly speaking, I'm not quite the emotional dependent sort. At most I'll just stay at home and stone like Mendi if I feel lonely or whatsoever. LOL!!! If ever I need a reminder, I don't have to look any further. Mendi is a living example leading such a carefree single's life with no relationship related stress or torment.

In all honesty, I don't think this is a pressing issue. Just let nature take its course. Attached or being single, I believe fate has it all mapped out. At this very minute, I'm more concerned with Ah Du's snoring. I'm getting tired but I wonder how would I be able to sleep with the decibels increasing. Any how, I am still gonna try coz my eyes are getting smaller with every passing second. Goodnight and may God bless me...

Dawn of a new chapter (or so I hope....)

2008-08-20T03:26:00.000+08:00

Phew~ Took me quite a while to customised the layout of this blog. Well... Just glad that it's finally done. Maybe many of you will think that this is a new blog of mine but believe me, this isn't. It is more like a continuation from my previous one which is still running. As a new chapter in my life unfolds, I thought it would be fitting to have another blog to mark the start.

So why do I say it's a new chapter in my life??? In all honesty, my life is still pretty much the same. You know... In sixes and sevens as usual. From all the normality, there is one significant change though. I HAVE FINALLY CALLED TIME ON MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MEI FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Given my personality, it was certainly no mean feat I tell ya. Not that I hadn't tried before, it was more of giving in at the crucial moments because I am too sentimental and soft-hearted. Anyway, it is all over now and God! am I relieved...

As far as I am concerned, the breaking up is like overcoming an obstacle. A lot of courage and determination had to be mustered in the process due to my shortcomings. Nonetheless, I had done it and I believe it is a stepping stone to many greater things. The problem now is whether I can move on from here and not rest on my laurels.

Without a shadow of a doubt, it is going to be tough, real tough like it has always been. Thinking back, I can't help but wonder how I managed to stay alive till now. I don't know about you but I feel a part of me had been dead for quite a few years. You, my dear friends, keep the rest of me going. On countless occasions, you gave me strength to fight on. Without you people, God knows how long it will take me to break with Mei! Your company gives me the peace of mind that I won't be alone and from there, I drew the courage. I am sure I can conquer my other weaknesses as long as I have you guys - GMH clique, Tummy Gang and Poly mates.