Chapter 2, chapter 2... I was deliberating between my Fmus1's and Sherilyn's suggestions earlier on and couldn't really decide on which one to write about. If not for my Fmus1's current predicament, I would have gone with Sher's suggestion. Since all constructive suggestions are given consideration, my next chapter will be on Sher's suggestion k. So let us now start proper on Chapter 2...
Relationships... It's such a fascinating thing that never ceases to amaze me. I have always believe it to be building blocks of our lives. Even on the day you are born, a relationship is already being forged and that's none other than kinship with your family. As you go through different phases of your life, other relationships - friendship, comradeship, boy-girl relationship, matrimonial relationship - are also being forged along the way. From a personal perspective, I feel these relationships have a hand in moulding one's character. Considering my Fmus1's predicament as well as my elder sis's, I will narrow the scope of this chapter to the latter 2 relationships.
Like the term suggests, a boy-girl relationship is one between a boy/man and a girl/woman. Well... With homosexuality being prevalent, the line is somewhat blurred. This form of relationship can exist between a boy/man and boy/man or a girl/woman and girl/woman. Basically, we call these people gays or lesbians. Before I proceed, I have to reiterate that I have no prejudice against homosexuals k. Now we shall continue...
Have you ever wondered why we, humans, always have the tendency to fall into such a relationship even though we know how much the disputes, betrayal and breakups can hurt us??? Honestly, this question has been baffling me since I experienced my first heartbreak. Why can't we just behave like animals, have sex and reproduce!?!? I mean we are primitively no different from animals. Who the hell caused evolution!!!!!!!!
Hai~ I suppose there's no point ranting when we are already what we are. Since it is rather inevitable for us to fall into a relationship, isn't it better to think of ways of making it work rather than asking why it doesn't...
Frankly speaking, I have only had 4 gfs my entire life and only 2 of those can be considered as serious so I am really no relationship guru. I am just some random guy shedding light on what I think may make a relationship tick. However, if you think what I am about to type is just a shitload of crap, pls proceed to the top right hand corner of your screen and click on the X button.
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Good riddance! to those who think too highly of themselves. For those who are still with me, thanks for staying and I hope my 2 cents worth of advice is helpful in a way or another.
First and foremost, it is imperative for us to determine the elements of a healthy relationship. In my opinion, they are love, trust, communication and understanding. The lack of any one of them can prove to be detrimental to the relationship. In order for a relationship to be strong, there must be love involved. Love is something very subjective; some pple may perceive it as a huge infatuation while others may perceive it as a total submission of life and freedom. As for me, I see it as a longing for someone; caring for that someone; devoting yourself to that someone and respecting that someone. Hence, if your perception of love is a balanced and rational one, you have every chance of building a strong foundation to the relationship provided the other party shares the same sentiment.
No matter how strong the foundation is, it can still be eroded away without trust, communication and understanding. Imagine a relationship without trust... Every single day, you would be living in paranoia. The deeper you love the other party, the more paranoid you get. Even before you realise, the manifestation of suspicion and paranoia has already started eating off at the relationship.
Apart from distrust, disputes and differences can also be as damaging. Like I have always said, we live in a highly developed and civilised society and there's no reason why we should behave like barbarians to resolve matters. Even if you dun scream and throw punches to resolve matters like barbarians, keeping mum isn't really doing the relationship any favours either. Maybe normal service would resume after a few days of cold war, with all the dirt brushed under the carpet. But make no mistake that one fine day, the old ghost will come back and haunt you. It's really very simple. Imagine yourselve being a time bomb. Whenever there is a cold war, one party will have to swallow his/her pride and make the first move in appeasing the other party. As this vicious cycle repeats itself time and time again, you can relate the built up grievance in either parties to the ticking of a time bomb. It's really only a matter of which party has a lower threshold and explodes first.
That brings me to communication and understanding. Speaking from my own experience, my ex gf is the sort who keeps mum when she's not happy with something and will pull a long face for the rest of the day. Throughout my estimated 1 year relationship wit her, I hardly raised my voice when she gave me attitude, maybe only the once or twice when she really stepped over the line. To me, there's no need to act in this manner when we can resolve matter in a cultured way. That's why, almost every time I noticed an issue arising, I would sit her down and talk to her in a good way hoping that she would get the message. No matter whose fault it was, I always held the belief that we ought to communicate and reach a common understanding so that the same problem wouldn't crop up again. Hai~ Unfortunately, most of the time, I was just talking to a block of wood. So when one party isn't receiving and giving, the communication will inevitably breakdown and there goes the understanding.
After discussing all the elements, I have to admit it's easier said than done. But if you think about it, when you are not even willing to give it a go, then why in the first place do you wanna start a relationship?!?!
When a relationship is deemed to be stable, a couple would normally proceed to the next stage, marriage. More often than not, couples fail to realise the underlying problems in their relationships and rush into a marriage. If a relationship is hard to sustain, a marriage is even more so. In addition to the aforementioned elements, a marriage warrants more responsibility and commitment.
Sad to say, divorce has somewhat become more and more a norm this days. Vows count for nought... Usually, it's a case of problems in the relationship being brought forward into the marriage. As you can see, the two have a very strong correlation. I would like to see the relationship before marriage as the foundations of marriage.
Take my elder sis for example, she was rushed into the marriage with my bro-in-law for a reason that I think needs no spelling out. They were only in courtship for less than a year and truth be told, they hadly knew each other. The lack of communication didn't help matters and after ard 18 years of marriage, the situation has deteriorated beyond salvage. To my elder sis, my bro-in-law is just some guy living under the same roof that she can no longer communicate with, understand and trust. As much as she wanted to salvage the marriage, there's only this lil that one party could do when the other party couldn't care less.
The bottomline is, never rush into a relationship or even more so a marriage when both parties aren't ready. My sister committed a mistake out of folly and she's living to regret it. Being close to her, it pains me to see her in her current state. If it were up to me, I would rather she take up the other option back then and not marry my bro-in-law. She's such a nice person, responsible mother, doting sister and she obviously deserves better.
Of course if we are not talking about a serious relationship or marriage, then there's no need to bother about what I've typed so far. In my dictionary, the appropriate word to use would be fling. I've had my fair share of flings and they were certainly fun. Like no strings attached and stuff, no worries no nothing. But how long can you fling around and not settle down? We are not immortals. We age and we die eventually. It's only a matter of time when you know you have to start taking relationships seriously and when that day comes, you could maybe reflect on what I've mentioned in this entry and who knows, it may just work for you...
"Mondays with Psycho" Chapter 2 - Relationships
Some pics to share...
Before I embark on another lengthy wordy post, below are some pics for your viewing pleasure...
Mini 25th birthday celebration at my twin brother's gf's house (For those who haven't known, the guy wearing black tank top is my twin brother)
My slightly grown-up niece. Isn't she just gorgeous! So so so cute.................
"Mondays with Psycho" Chapter 1 - Sex
In light of my FMUS1's recent plight, it's my duty to do whatever within my capability to cheer her up and this entry is specially dedicated to her. Due to popular demand, I've decided the first chapter of my "Mondays with Psycho" to be on the topic, sex. As controversial and taboo a topic it may be, it is still an issue that plagues our everyday lives so there's no point shunning it.
We, humans, are created with 2 genders - male or female. The defining difference is definitely the anatomy. To facilitate the understanding of this topic for amateurish readers, the part of the anatomy I am referring to is the genitals - penis and vagina. Have you ever wondered why our genitals are shaped in such a way that one actually complements the other??? The truth is really simple. Sex is a natural oder of life and there's really no use denying it.
Whichever faith or religion you may have, God created us in such a way so that a couple can enjoy the pleasure of lovemaking and bliss of having a family. In his eyes, sex between a loving couple is sacred and untainted. If he wanted it any other way, humans could end up like an ameoba; reproducing by splitting itself without sex.
However, over the centuries, the line has been blurred. Some people dun even know for sure which gender they belong to. Others engaged in casual sex with various partners like there's no tomorrow. In addition, prostitution and pornography are tarnishing the image even further. As such, the natural order has been violated and most people start to see sex as something sleazy and degrading.
At least for me, I still believe consensual sex between a loving couple is part and parcel of a strong relationship. It is scientifically proven that the intimacy actually strengthens the bond between the couple. Hence, I feel that if you are doing it the rightful way with the correct partner, there is really no shame involved.
Having said so, there are many who want a taste of the forbidden fruit but do not have the guts to own up. To me, this sort of behaviour is shameful. If you have the guts to do it, why not the guts to admit it. You could groan and moan as loud as you want during sex but when asked if you ever had sex before, you could give a blatant lie by saying no. This is like a slap on ur partner's face! So are you implying that having sex with that partner is filthy by denying!!! I am not saying you have to spill the beans on the details when questioned but at least have the decency not to lie. Dun fricking portray urself as an innocent and pure person when the truth is, you are far from it. Walking away or simply ignoring to answer that question is the slightest respect you can give to both yourself and your partner.
If you are really afraid of coming under the scrutiny of others, uphold your chastity and keep your virginity till you are ready to embrace sex with the right frame of mind. As far as I am concerned, a liar is far worse than a nympho.
Take me for an example. I am never shy to admit having sex with my ex-gfs coz there was love involved. It just so happened that the relationships did not work out due to some reasons. The message I am trying to bring across in this entry is that sex is something misused, misinterpretted and misrepresented.
Disclaimer: I am no advocate of sex and I am not trying to encourage sexual intercourse between loving couples. Love is something very subjective and different pple perceive it differently. If you think both you and your partner are ready, do it on your own discretion. My only advice is better be safe than sorry. Always have precautionary measures in place if you wanna engage in sex. This is also a form of respect to your partner.
Mondays With Psycho...
Inspired by "Tuesdays With Morrie", my FMUS1 came up with the title of this entry. For those who haven't read the book "Tuesdays With Morrie", I recommend that you read it sooner rather than later. It's definitely better than any of the "Twilight" series by Stephanie Meyers!
Well... Here's a lil trivia bout the book. It's bout this journalist who rediscovered the meaning of life after spending several tuesdays with his college professor during the last few months of his professor's life.
Make no mistake, I'm not even attempting to draw comparisons with Morrie, the professor. He would win hands down. I would like to see myself as a totally separate entity with something different to offer. If my FMUS1 could come up with such a tagline, I have no grounds to believe otherwise or so I think.
I may not be as inspirational or learned like Morrie but I do give valuable advices. If anyone of you beg to differ, kindly leave behind a constuctive comment k. Anyway, I think there is basis to my earlier statement since my some of my close frenz like to confide in me. This is probably due to my character. Being a melancholic, I tend to be more analytical in terms of how I perceive things.
Having said so, not many can see this side of me. Most pple just can't see past the first barrier, appearance. What kinda advice could a gay, ah beng or a flirt give! I know this is what most of you are thinking that when I'm toking about me. Then again, this is what many perceived me as. Am I really gay, ah beng or a flirt? The answer is.....................................NO!!!!!! That's why only my close frenz confide in me coz they know me well enough.
Taking the term psycho as an example. What would you associate it with? Psychosis, insane, maniac, serial killer etc.... I know, I know.... This would be the common response. In case some of you haven't known, my nickname is "Psycho". To my close frenz, I'm called "Psycho" coz I'm eccentric, flamboyant, liberal and daring. This is the difference in perception I'm talking about.
I'm calling all to look beyond and get the bigger picture. "Mondays with Psycho" is promising to be light-hearted, fun and enriching. Feel free to pick up ur phone to dial my number anytime, anywhere and anyhow. A selected few has priority so if you couldn't get through, dun be disheartened and keep calling. LOL!!!!!!!
One More Week...
Exactly 7 days from now, I will be officially 25. Well... Some of you may think that I m getting old, real old~ Seriously, I dun really give a damn bout my age. To me, it's a chronological figure. Like how Sherilyn put it just now, "I am still young, but you peeps are younger". Hence, it really is a matter of perspective.
What matters more to me than the numerics is how much I have grown, emotionally and mentally. Truth be told, I have been haunted by 2 old ghosts of mine in the past 1 week. They have reminded me of the mistakes I had commited in the past. To a lesser extent, I am still committing one of them now. As for the other one, it remains to be seen... Hai~
Just how many more years do I need before I can eradicate this part of me that I dread so much??? Until I am able to do that, I will never be completely happy. This I am certain, simply because I know I deserve way better.
Thinking back, some people really treated me like dirt. I used to question myself why they did so but I have passed that phase now. When you don't treat yourself with respect, how do you expect others to hold you in high esteem... No one will ever think highly of a soccer team if it keeps losing. The same rule applies to all walks of life.
If I really deserve better, then I must show myself worthy of it. One week isn't really what you would call a long time but I feel it may well be a turning point. A turning point to show pple what I truly am and capable of doing. Hopefully, all the wisdom and experiences I have garnered at the age of 24 could be the catalyst...
Si Tong...
So what exactly happened on that day???
I met Wendy for movie on fri(2/1/2009). We watched Yes Man and I must say it's a rather nice movie. Being a comedy, it's actually quite a meaningful one. After which, we went Little India and chilled at an Australian Pub. Having had a long day, I told Wendy that I needed to go home earlier and rest. I did just that and hell! it's a decision that I will never regret for the rest of my life.
Shortly after bathing, my elder bro told me that my sis-in-law's waterbag had burst and he's gonna send her to the hospital. Without hesitation, I told him I wanted to tag along and witness the birth of my niece. Well... Truth be told, I didn't really get to witness it but I managed to be the 3rd person to have spoken to my niece. I was also mistaken to be the husband coz I accompanied my sis-in-law into the delivery suite and later chased out after my identity was exposed. Lol!!! The 4 hours of waiting was well worth given the euphoria I experienced when I saw my niece for the first time.
Honestly, I didn't have to go the length of going to the hospital and wait. I could have visited my sis-in-law and my niece the next day. However, my excitement got the better of me. I simply couldn't contain it. The surge to see her asap was so great that words are impotent to describe. I wanted to tell her that I am gonna quit smoking for her. Although I have yet to really achieve that, I think I am not far away. I am only smoking like 1 stick a day for crying out loud!!!
As much as I dun look like it, there's no denying that I love kids. Seeing how cute my niece is, how can I possibly not adore her?!?!?! She is like an angel that has just stepped into my life, rejuvenating every cell and essence running through my body. Every single day, I just feel like going home as early as possible so I can see more of her. The very sight of her calms my soul. I hope everyone in the family can see you through my eyes and put their differences aside. This is the very least they can do coz you really really deserve it, Si Tong...
2009, Are You Gonna Be Different???
As of now, I'm 3 hours into a new year, 2009. For the past couple of years, I had been setting myself resolutions that I wasn't able to keep. Somehow, my instincts tell me that 2009 is gonna be different. Maybe the beginning of a new life, a breathe of freshness.
Personally, I feel I have grown in leaps and bounds towards the back end of 2008. It might not be palpable to outsiders but I know for certain that my maturity has gone up a notch in a few aspects. There are many areas now that I am looking in a more positive light, which is beneficial to my emotional well-being.
To pinpoint the reason behind this improvement is hard. I, myself, dun really know for sure. However, there are a couple of factors that I can probably attribute this remarkable change on - the breakup with Mei and "Tuesdays with Morrie".
I have learnt to appreciate my family and friends more. I wish to be their pillar of strength when they wanna be strong; I wish to be their guiding light when they are lost; I wish to be their bundle of fun when they are bored; I wish to be their solace when they are down. This is no mean feat considering the diversity of family and friends I have. I will still try nonetheless.
In order to help others, I need myself to be strong and determined. So far, my mental toughness has been my achilles heel. Without it, I cannot fulfill my aspirations. Stepping into 2009, I have encountered my first test. Under the most unlikely of circumstances, I have developed some feelings for this particular girl. Due to some reasons, I have to keep my feelings in check. I have too many other stuff to contend with so any additional emotional baggage or commitment is a big no no. It's one of those scenarios that you have to take a step back to move two steps forward.
Well... On the surface, she seems like a nice girl. It's a pity that I can't follow my heart coz there are too many more important factors I have to consider. Having said so, would I be able to withstand the temptation??? This only time will tell...