Exactly 7 days from now, I will be officially 25. Well... Some of you may think that I m getting old, real old~ Seriously, I dun really give a damn bout my age. To me, it's a chronological figure. Like how Sherilyn put it just now, "I am still young, but you peeps are younger". Hence, it really is a matter of perspective.
What matters more to me than the numerics is how much I have grown, emotionally and mentally. Truth be told, I have been haunted by 2 old ghosts of mine in the past 1 week. They have reminded me of the mistakes I had commited in the past. To a lesser extent, I am still committing one of them now. As for the other one, it remains to be seen... Hai~
Just how many more years do I need before I can eradicate this part of me that I dread so much??? Until I am able to do that, I will never be completely happy. This I am certain, simply because I know I deserve way better.
Thinking back, some people really treated me like dirt. I used to question myself why they did so but I have passed that phase now. When you don't treat yourself with respect, how do you expect others to hold you in high esteem... No one will ever think highly of a soccer team if it keeps losing. The same rule applies to all walks of life.
If I really deserve better, then I must show myself worthy of it. One week isn't really what you would call a long time but I feel it may well be a turning point. A turning point to show pple what I truly am and capable of doing. Hopefully, all the wisdom and experiences I have garnered at the age of 24 could be the catalyst...
One More Week...
Si Tong...
So what exactly happened on that day???
I met Wendy for movie on fri(2/1/2009). We watched Yes Man and I must say it's a rather nice movie. Being a comedy, it's actually quite a meaningful one. After which, we went Little India and chilled at an Australian Pub. Having had a long day, I told Wendy that I needed to go home earlier and rest. I did just that and hell! it's a decision that I will never regret for the rest of my life.
Shortly after bathing, my elder bro told me that my sis-in-law's waterbag had burst and he's gonna send her to the hospital. Without hesitation, I told him I wanted to tag along and witness the birth of my niece. Well... Truth be told, I didn't really get to witness it but I managed to be the 3rd person to have spoken to my niece. I was also mistaken to be the husband coz I accompanied my sis-in-law into the delivery suite and later chased out after my identity was exposed. Lol!!! The 4 hours of waiting was well worth given the euphoria I experienced when I saw my niece for the first time.
Honestly, I didn't have to go the length of going to the hospital and wait. I could have visited my sis-in-law and my niece the next day. However, my excitement got the better of me. I simply couldn't contain it. The surge to see her asap was so great that words are impotent to describe. I wanted to tell her that I am gonna quit smoking for her. Although I have yet to really achieve that, I think I am not far away. I am only smoking like 1 stick a day for crying out loud!!!
As much as I dun look like it, there's no denying that I love kids. Seeing how cute my niece is, how can I possibly not adore her?!?!?! She is like an angel that has just stepped into my life, rejuvenating every cell and essence running through my body. Every single day, I just feel like going home as early as possible so I can see more of her. The very sight of her calms my soul. I hope everyone in the family can see you through my eyes and put their differences aside. This is the very least they can do coz you really really deserve it, Si Tong...
2009, Are You Gonna Be Different???
As of now, I'm 3 hours into a new year, 2009. For the past couple of years, I had been setting myself resolutions that I wasn't able to keep. Somehow, my instincts tell me that 2009 is gonna be different. Maybe the beginning of a new life, a breathe of freshness.
Personally, I feel I have grown in leaps and bounds towards the back end of 2008. It might not be palpable to outsiders but I know for certain that my maturity has gone up a notch in a few aspects. There are many areas now that I am looking in a more positive light, which is beneficial to my emotional well-being.
To pinpoint the reason behind this improvement is hard. I, myself, dun really know for sure. However, there are a couple of factors that I can probably attribute this remarkable change on - the breakup with Mei and "Tuesdays with Morrie".
I have learnt to appreciate my family and friends more. I wish to be their pillar of strength when they wanna be strong; I wish to be their guiding light when they are lost; I wish to be their bundle of fun when they are bored; I wish to be their solace when they are down. This is no mean feat considering the diversity of family and friends I have. I will still try nonetheless.
In order to help others, I need myself to be strong and determined. So far, my mental toughness has been my achilles heel. Without it, I cannot fulfill my aspirations. Stepping into 2009, I have encountered my first test. Under the most unlikely of circumstances, I have developed some feelings for this particular girl. Due to some reasons, I have to keep my feelings in check. I have too many other stuff to contend with so any additional emotional baggage or commitment is a big no no. It's one of those scenarios that you have to take a step back to move two steps forward.
Well... On the surface, she seems like a nice girl. It's a pity that I can't follow my heart coz there are too many more important factors I have to consider. Having said so, would I be able to withstand the temptation??? This only time will tell...
A Picture Paints a Thousand Words...
Gift Exchange With Tummy Gang...
My Bitch & I...
Hey Fara, dun steal my chicken wing...
Fricking hungry from all the walking at zoukout...
Joy, Fara, Evonne, What's her name, Bitch & Me
Oops! I'm semi-naked...
At vivo before the party begins...
Terence, Me, Qin Yuan, Teh
Us again... (Qin Yuan's Bday so he gotta be in both pics)
Ktv wit Mei Qin...
Kelvin, Me & Alvin at Dragonfly... (Ah Xia Kia's Bday)
09 Post Gift Exchange Pic...
A more solemn post exchange pic...
Brief Update...
Looking back, it has been 3 weeks since my last post. I must say the past 3 weeks have been rather eventful. It would probably take me hours to elaborate every details, so let me just present the more meaningful occasions in a nutshell.
1. On the very last day of MST, class 09 had our usual Xmas gift exchange. The only difference this time round is the gift I received. Personally, I would call it a "Jar of Love". From the bottom of my heart, I was touched upon receiving it from Shermeen. It isn't something extravagant but definitely something that takes a lot of thoughts and effort. The candies and chocolates in the jar are like drops of love kept by a friend. Not to mention the lil surprise hidden right in the midst of it...... Thanks again Shermeen for the wonderful gift.
2. Just last wed, we had a long mahjong session at my place. It wasn't so much on the money I won or what could have happened the night before. It was the guys who were present - terence, lulu, alvin, mendi and edward. When was the last time this bunch of us sat down and played mahjong together?!?!?!?! All of us have embarked on another chapter of our lives and we no longer have the luxury to have this sort of gathering. Maybe to most, they would see it as just a normal gambling session. To me, it's far beyond that. It's reminiscent of our "good" old days. It's the fun and laughter that we always have during this kinda occasions that make me cherish them till the day I die. On this old mahjong table of mine, many friendships were forged, many friendships were strengthened, many friendships were rekindled.
3. Lastly, it must be Zoukout with my bi-atch and her gang. Lol!!!! Honestly speaking, I am kinda disappointed with the whole Zoukout experience. Probably due to the fact that I was kinda tired from work and tuition; probably due to the fact that my bi-atch and her gang aren't really party people. Nonetheless, I still enjoyed my bi-atch's company for the night. To a certain extent, I feel we are like Will & Grace. Just that I'm not so gay and you're not so graceful. Hahahah!!!! Whatever it is, dun be so emo k. Look at ur bi-atch! I am no longer that emo like how I used to. I've improved and so should you. Anything can always talk to me k.
As much as I wanna upload some photos, I am too tired to do it. Will try to get some pics up in the next few days before someone starts to complain that my blog is too wordy again k. Before I hit the sack, I wanna wish all my frenz a Merry Xmas and Happy New Year. Very soon, it will be the dawn of a new year and may all your wishes come true. Goodnite and adios...
Powerless...
2 three years long relationships; one has gone down the drain and the other on a very rocky patch. The very 4 persons involved in both are close to me and yet there's nothing much I can do.
Hai~ I really feel powerless. If only I was a cupid, I would be able to inject some love and romance into their waning relationships. Sadly, I am not... All I can do is lend a listening ear and give some advice. I suppose this isn't quite enough to salvage somebody else's relationship.
Coincidentally, both my younger sis and Wendy confided in me regarding their relationships last night. As much as I wanted to do my proj, I simply couldn't leave them in the lurch when they needed my deep listening. My sis was on the verge of tears when she spoke to me about Phoebe. Wendy was far worse. She was inconsolable. She had just broken up with MK. If I had been a lil weaker, I would have cried with them...
In all honesty, my sis and Wendy have a lot in common with regards to their mentality. They are too pessimistic and it was really hard for me to get my point across to them. Even so, I tried as hard as I could to make them see things in a brighter light. I dunno how much they have learnt from listening to me but I hope they can at least feel comforted that someone was there to listen to their sorrows.
Not too long ago, I was just like them. Back then, not a day had gone by without me feeling at least a bit dejected. Somehow, I dun reall know how, I have managed to change for the better. Although I am still some way from being a jovial and optimistic person, I am working hard towards it. Being on this journey alone can be somewhat boring. I want them to join me. I want them to see the bigger picture that I see now.
Not that I really believe in God, but if there really is one or many out there, please try to show these 2 girls some mercy. Guide them to the path that I wanna embark. For this alone, I pray to you...
Deepest Condolences...
Haven't blogged for quite a while ya. Dun feel like getting started on my FEB proj yet so here I am writing typing this entry.
Earlier this week, HH's granny passed away. Hai~ When I learnt bout it, I felt kinda guilty. I promised HH a few weeks back that I would accompany him to the hospital and visit his granny but that didn't materialise. Guilt stricken, I made a point to at least pay my last respects at her wake. Being able to offer a joss stick at the altar and utter a few parting words did offer some sort of reprieve.
I am glad that HH is coping wit it rather well. However, I must comment that he's really noob. He knows nuts bout wakes and funerals. Not saying that I am a pro here, at least I know some of the customs. Like always, I filled him in on the customary practices at a wake.
Noob he may be, HH is actually quite an emotional and sentimental boy. These customs gave me the opportunity to hear HH cry over the phone. He was confused, disappointed and infuriated by how some of his relatives reacted at his granny's wake. He couldn't understand why his christian relatives refused to offer joss sticks or participate in the prayer sessions.
Personally, I have always felt a wake is an event for family and friends to pay their last respects and offer their condolences to the deceased and his/her kins respectively. A wake transcends all boundaries - race, religion and dialect. Some pple are just too rigid and live in their own boxes. They only believe and see whatever is avaible in their boxes. Being one-dimensional isn't really a bad thing. Nonetheless, there are occasions where one needs to use a bit of common sense and think out of the box. Sadly, some pple just lack in this department. How can these pple survive in our dynamic, ever-changing society baffles me to no end...
Since I am on this topic, I might as well comment on something related. Just read Jolene's blog before starting this entry and there was this post of hers on how pple commented on what she wore. It reminded me of an incident that happened a few days back in school. A small grp of girls from my lecture group walked past me in FC6 and commented on my attire. They found it gay. To tell ya the truth, I am not the least bit affected by what they had said coz I hav heard this kinda comments numerous times. I would take gay anyday compared to beng. At the very least, gays are more sophisticated and cultured.
My point is, we live in a very judgemental and stereotypical society. If we get affected by every lil thing pple say, we are gonna live in misery. So Jol, dun bother bout what those imbeciles said k.