There is a demon in me... Awaken yet again and clutching the very source of my life in its dark and filthy fist. Aaarrgghh!!!! NO!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!! As my cries for mercy go unheeded, streams and streams of my life is being drained with each passing day. I feel weak and despondent with whatever that is left in me. With all the power but no attempt to even wield it as I've slowly succumbed to the menacing will of the demon.
A part of me really wished I had stayed in Thailand and never returned. Back to face the harsh realities of life that Singapore's society poses. Hai~ Sian dao...................... I am lost for words to describe.
In all honesty, life hasn't been very smooth sailing since my return. Am I not welcomed by the society or simply there's no place for a loser like me????
Confronting the departure of a close fren to the land down under affected me more than I had expected. It set my mind into overdrive thinking about the path ahead of me when I eventually graduate from SP. It seemed pretty clear at one stage but I suppose things took a somewhat undesirable turn. I am kinda like running on empty but not making the move to fill the tank, if you know what I mean.
Not that I haven't been down this crossroad before. Hell! I have been through my fair share of adversities and never once had I backed down. Sadly, never once had I dealt with them admirably either. In short, I manage to survive, not thrive.
As much as I feel glad that Alvin has finally found his faith in God, I still hold the believe that if you are strong enough, there is no need to cling onto something spiritual for support. The problem is, I can't seem to muster the strength from within! To make matters worse, the day I find faith is probably gonna be the day I make God turn in his grave (if he has one) and wallop me so bad that I can no longer lock him out of my door.
Sometimes I find it really ironic for someone to have no strength but abundance of complacency. Smart, so!!! IAF is gonna bring me back tumbling down to earth. What's the point of having all the horsepower with no room to gallop!
I can seriously see myself being the next emo kid on block if nothing is done fast. Worse still, maybe even go insane. In fact, bordering between the fine line of sanity and insanity isn't all that bad. Crazy pple are unbelievably strong ok. Dead people like Salvatore Dali, Vincent Van Gogh, Albert Einstein, Mozart and even MJ to name a few should add some credibility to my claim. All of them were and still are considered as the geniuses in their own respective field. Who can argue with me that they weren't weird and a bit crazy! We have ourselves a necrophilia, a lunatic who severed one of his ears, a probable paedophile whose nose kept changing and the other two had done some crazy shit that I can't quite remember.
Who knows? It may turn out that being crazy is the new way of thriving in this mad mad world...
The Claws Are Showing Yet Again...
Sawadee!!!
Sorry folks for this super duper belated post Thailand trip entry. Uploaded some pics that I have taken in Thailand so do enjoy...
"Ka Lo" Break...
For the sake of those who do not know hokkien well enough, "Ka Lo" stands for prison. Prison Break has been out for a few years now but it wasn't until recently that I started watching. Damn!!! It's one hell of a fricking good show!
No prizes for guessing my favourite character of the show. Like most, mine is definitely Michael Scofield. Considering how exaggeratingly smart he is in the show, I guess most would aspire to be him. Then again, Prison Break is nothing more than fiction. In reality, I don't think I would ever see someone with the intelligence of Michael Scofield in my lifetime. Which is why, he's kinda legendary, like a myth, outta our league.
Taking Michael out of the picture, I see myself more like T.Bag or Mahone. Both realistically smart with an evil bone in them; albeit the former naturally inclined and the latter compelled by circmstances. Between the two, T.Bag is still my preferred character. Not only is he smart, this boy can really talk. Way too eloquent for a psychopath in my opinion but that's his drawpoint, if you know what I mean.
Associating myself with such an antagonist in the show isn't really gonna put me in the limelight, that I am sure. It's ok, really. To be frank, I do see some similarities between T.Bag and myself. If I could put it this way, I think I am the way milder version of T.Bag. Lol!!! Gals, pls dun shun me. Hahaha!!! He's crazy, I'm just eccentric. Most importantly, he is impotent in the show. I AM NOT!!!
Barring Scofield, which character do you actually see similarities in? Tell me and let me be the judge. I would love to have someone say Bellick. Lol!!!
24 Years Ago...
It was in the year 1985, May 18th, when I was probably taking my first baby steps that a girl by the name of Amanda Zee Wan Fung was born. She was then born into a family totally unrelated to mine and there was no chance in the world I would come into contact with her. Through our adolescent years, events unfolded and with a twist of fate, we ended up in the same secondary school.
Being one year her senior, it wouldn't be shocking to hear that we hadn't caught each other eyes back during our secondary school days. More surprising was the mere fact that she hadn't even heard of me!!! Seriously, how was that even possible when I was kinda notorious in sec school and I hanged out with some guys from her batch!!! Furthermore, her then very close fren, Joanne, was a student councillor that saw me almost everyday during recess coz I was hardly punctual for school and had to serve detention. As much as she can protest, I honestly believe she was a dork living in her own world during sec school days. Lol!!!
Whatever the reason, it was no longer important since the day I went to Suntec City to look for Joanne. Amanda and her were working there and that was the "first time" I saw Amanda. The rest as they say, was history...
Our friendship blossomed faster than I could have expected and truthfully, I am really glad it happened the way it did. Those days when I would crash at her hostel and play tennis the next day were truly fun. Nagging at her to go bathe simply added to the enjoyment. Hahaha!!! How we managed to be so close is in no small part due to our common love, Man Utd. Bcoz of this common love, she is affectionately known as my Fmus1 and I am her Fmus2.
As we grow older and supposedly more matured, coupled with her graduation from NUS, there are certain things that we no longer do, like staying over in her hostel. However, we more than made up for it by confiding in each other when we have problems. To me, she has become a soulmate, acting like a beacon when I am lost in the dark.
From time to time, I can't help but imagine the lost I would have suffered if our lives hadn't crossed path. Hence, I am grateful to her parents for having pik piak, conceived and given birth to her. It has since been 24 years from the day she came into this world and I wonder how many lives she has touched. Most importantly, she has touched mine and I can't thank her enough. I just wanna wish her a Happy 24th Birthday and hopefully I would be able to give her the present as I have promised sooner rather than later...
Tong Tong's Journey to Malacca...
It's so fricking hot out here and what's that damn thing in front of me! Blur~
Look at me turn. Very soon, I will be able to crawl to Shu Shu.
Withdrawal Syndrome From Non-Titoing...
Kangtao la!!!! As diagnosed by my Fmus1, who knows me inside out, outside in, I am officially suffering from non-titoing withdrawal syndrome. Ji tao sian can!!!!
Hai~ I am not gonna go into the details of this syndrome but let me tell you, when you are suffering from it, YOU ARE IN DEEP SHIT!!!!!!! In a way or another, it sucks the zest out of your life and makes everything mundane and boring.
Like how my Fmus1 put it, maybe I should join a recruitment agency and be always on the prowl for kips to tito. Lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Honestly speaking, I really had no idea that my Fmus1 could be so humorous. That timbre is one hell of a lucky bastard!!! Hahaha!!!!!!! Pls dun tire my Fmus1 with your pp's requests if not she wun be able to tell me jokes liao.
If you really think bout it and look ard, there are actually kips all ard. The thing is whether they are titoable remains to be seen. Therefore, sad to say, I am not gonna recover any time soon!!!!!
Weakened Resolve...
Boredom kills.......or so it's said to be. Nah~ To me it doesn't but it certainly weakened my resolve. Hai~ I did something that I really shouldn't have done.
Slacking at Ah Da's place with nothing else to do, I inexplicably had the urge to msg her and eventually I did. Why did I even change my handphone number in the first place!!! I wanted to shut her out of my life and there I was letting her in again. Tio tio tio....
It really got me thinking. As much as I enjoy my singlehood, there are times when I would feel lonely and bored, and really need a companion. I do have friends that I could hang out and spend time with. However, the feel is really different if you know what I mean. Imagine if I had a gf, I would most likely not be at Ah Da's place, probably spending time with her and given how faithful a bf I could be, there's no chance of me msging her!
Omg!!! There I go again ranting about how much I need someone... Maybe I do, maybe I don't. The thing is, I know I am not ready to have one simply bcoz I don't have enough time and money. I need time for school, tuitions, family, friends and myself. Throw in a gf and there goes my sleep. I need money for retail therapy, class 2B lessons and eventually class 3, grad trip, family trip, my food and chloe's food, some other miscellaneous expenses. Add in expenses on my gf and I can say goodbye to my retail therapy, grad and family trips, class 2B and class 3 lessons. When you put everything into perspective, it's really hard to find that someone accomodating enough to settle down with. That's why I have been incessantly telling myself that having a gf is like the least of my priorities. Inevitably, this resolve has also been weakened with the very existence of this entry.
Sometimes I really do wonder how Mendi managed to survive his 25 years of mundane life without ever having a gf. Perhaps the recent LSB visits did soothe his pain a lil. Lol!!! At the very least, he gotta know how it feels like to TNN and make full use of his large fingers. Hahahah!!! Mendi, pls dun kill me... I am simply too bored, that's all...