Chapter 2, chapter 2... I was deliberating between my Fmus1's and Sherilyn's suggestions earlier on and couldn't really decide on which one to write about. If not for my Fmus1's current predicament, I would have gone with Sher's suggestion. Since all constructive suggestions are given consideration, my next chapter will be on Sher's suggestion k. So let us now start proper on Chapter 2...
Relationships... It's such a fascinating thing that never ceases to amaze me. I have always believe it to be building blocks of our lives. Even on the day you are born, a relationship is already being forged and that's none other than kinship with your family. As you go through different phases of your life, other relationships - friendship, comradeship, boy-girl relationship, matrimonial relationship - are also being forged along the way. From a personal perspective, I feel these relationships have a hand in moulding one's character. Considering my Fmus1's predicament as well as my elder sis's, I will narrow the scope of this chapter to the latter 2 relationships.
Like the term suggests, a boy-girl relationship is one between a boy/man and a girl/woman. Well... With homosexuality being prevalent, the line is somewhat blurred. This form of relationship can exist between a boy/man and boy/man or a girl/woman and girl/woman. Basically, we call these people gays or lesbians. Before I proceed, I have to reiterate that I have no prejudice against homosexuals k. Now we shall continue...
Have you ever wondered why we, humans, always have the tendency to fall into such a relationship even though we know how much the disputes, betrayal and breakups can hurt us??? Honestly, this question has been baffling me since I experienced my first heartbreak. Why can't we just behave like animals, have sex and reproduce!?!? I mean we are primitively no different from animals. Who the hell caused evolution!!!!!!!!
Hai~ I suppose there's no point ranting when we are already what we are. Since it is rather inevitable for us to fall into a relationship, isn't it better to think of ways of making it work rather than asking why it doesn't...
Frankly speaking, I have only had 4 gfs my entire life and only 2 of those can be considered as serious so I am really no relationship guru. I am just some random guy shedding light on what I think may make a relationship tick. However, if you think what I am about to type is just a shitload of crap, pls proceed to the top right hand corner of your screen and click on the X button.
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Good riddance! to those who think too highly of themselves. For those who are still with me, thanks for staying and I hope my 2 cents worth of advice is helpful in a way or another.
First and foremost, it is imperative for us to determine the elements of a healthy relationship. In my opinion, they are love, trust, communication and understanding. The lack of any one of them can prove to be detrimental to the relationship. In order for a relationship to be strong, there must be love involved. Love is something very subjective; some pple may perceive it as a huge infatuation while others may perceive it as a total submission of life and freedom. As for me, I see it as a longing for someone; caring for that someone; devoting yourself to that someone and respecting that someone. Hence, if your perception of love is a balanced and rational one, you have every chance of building a strong foundation to the relationship provided the other party shares the same sentiment.
No matter how strong the foundation is, it can still be eroded away without trust, communication and understanding. Imagine a relationship without trust... Every single day, you would be living in paranoia. The deeper you love the other party, the more paranoid you get. Even before you realise, the manifestation of suspicion and paranoia has already started eating off at the relationship.
Apart from distrust, disputes and differences can also be as damaging. Like I have always said, we live in a highly developed and civilised society and there's no reason why we should behave like barbarians to resolve matters. Even if you dun scream and throw punches to resolve matters like barbarians, keeping mum isn't really doing the relationship any favours either. Maybe normal service would resume after a few days of cold war, with all the dirt brushed under the carpet. But make no mistake that one fine day, the old ghost will come back and haunt you. It's really very simple. Imagine yourselve being a time bomb. Whenever there is a cold war, one party will have to swallow his/her pride and make the first move in appeasing the other party. As this vicious cycle repeats itself time and time again, you can relate the built up grievance in either parties to the ticking of a time bomb. It's really only a matter of which party has a lower threshold and explodes first.
That brings me to communication and understanding. Speaking from my own experience, my ex gf is the sort who keeps mum when she's not happy with something and will pull a long face for the rest of the day. Throughout my estimated 1 year relationship wit her, I hardly raised my voice when she gave me attitude, maybe only the once or twice when she really stepped over the line. To me, there's no need to act in this manner when we can resolve matter in a cultured way. That's why, almost every time I noticed an issue arising, I would sit her down and talk to her in a good way hoping that she would get the message. No matter whose fault it was, I always held the belief that we ought to communicate and reach a common understanding so that the same problem wouldn't crop up again. Hai~ Unfortunately, most of the time, I was just talking to a block of wood. So when one party isn't receiving and giving, the communication will inevitably breakdown and there goes the understanding.
After discussing all the elements, I have to admit it's easier said than done. But if you think about it, when you are not even willing to give it a go, then why in the first place do you wanna start a relationship?!?!
When a relationship is deemed to be stable, a couple would normally proceed to the next stage, marriage. More often than not, couples fail to realise the underlying problems in their relationships and rush into a marriage. If a relationship is hard to sustain, a marriage is even more so. In addition to the aforementioned elements, a marriage warrants more responsibility and commitment.
Sad to say, divorce has somewhat become more and more a norm this days. Vows count for nought... Usually, it's a case of problems in the relationship being brought forward into the marriage. As you can see, the two have a very strong correlation. I would like to see the relationship before marriage as the foundations of marriage.
Take my elder sis for example, she was rushed into the marriage with my bro-in-law for a reason that I think needs no spelling out. They were only in courtship for less than a year and truth be told, they hadly knew each other. The lack of communication didn't help matters and after ard 18 years of marriage, the situation has deteriorated beyond salvage. To my elder sis, my bro-in-law is just some guy living under the same roof that she can no longer communicate with, understand and trust. As much as she wanted to salvage the marriage, there's only this lil that one party could do when the other party couldn't care less.
The bottomline is, never rush into a relationship or even more so a marriage when both parties aren't ready. My sister committed a mistake out of folly and she's living to regret it. Being close to her, it pains me to see her in her current state. If it were up to me, I would rather she take up the other option back then and not marry my bro-in-law. She's such a nice person, responsible mother, doting sister and she obviously deserves better.
Of course if we are not talking about a serious relationship or marriage, then there's no need to bother about what I've typed so far. In my dictionary, the appropriate word to use would be fling. I've had my fair share of flings and they were certainly fun. Like no strings attached and stuff, no worries no nothing. But how long can you fling around and not settle down? We are not immortals. We age and we die eventually. It's only a matter of time when you know you have to start taking relationships seriously and when that day comes, you could maybe reflect on what I've mentioned in this entry and who knows, it may just work for you...
