The Claws Are Showing Yet Again...

There is a demon in me... Awaken yet again and clutching the very source of my life in its dark and filthy fist. Aaarrgghh!!!! NO!!!!!!! STOP!!!!!!!! As my cries for mercy go unheeded, streams and streams of my life is being drained with each passing day. I feel weak and despondent with whatever that is left in me. With all the power but no attempt to even wield it as I've slowly succumbed to the menacing will of the demon.

A part of me really wished I had stayed in Thailand and never returned. Back to face the harsh realities of life that Singapore's society poses. Hai~ Sian dao...................... I am lost for words to describe.

In all honesty, life hasn't been very smooth sailing since my return. Am I not welcomed by the society or simply there's no place for a loser like me????

Confronting the departure of a close fren to the land down under affected me more than I had expected. It set my mind into overdrive thinking about the path ahead of me when I eventually graduate from SP. It seemed pretty clear at one stage but I suppose things took a somewhat undesirable turn. I am kinda like running on empty but not making the move to fill the tank, if you know what I mean.

Not that I haven't been down this crossroad before. Hell! I have been through my fair share of adversities and never once had I backed down. Sadly, never once had I dealt with them admirably either. In short, I manage to survive, not thrive.

As much as I feel glad that Alvin has finally found his faith in God, I still hold the believe that if you are strong enough, there is no need to cling onto something spiritual for support. The problem is, I can't seem to muster the strength from within! To make matters worse, the day I find faith is probably gonna be the day I make God turn in his grave (if he has one) and wallop me so bad that I can no longer lock him out of my door.

Sometimes I find it really ironic for someone to have no strength but abundance of complacency. Smart, so!!! IAF is gonna bring me back tumbling down to earth. What's the point of having all the horsepower with no room to gallop!

I can seriously see myself being the next emo kid on block if nothing is done fast. Worse still, maybe even go insane. In fact, bordering between the fine line of sanity and insanity isn't all that bad. Crazy pple are unbelievably strong ok. Dead people like Salvatore Dali, Vincent Van Gogh, Albert Einstein, Mozart and even MJ to name a few should add some credibility to my claim. All of them were and still are considered as the geniuses in their own respective field. Who can argue with me that they weren't weird and a bit crazy! We have ourselves a necrophilia, a lunatic who severed one of his ears, a probable paedophile whose nose kept changing and the other two had done some crazy shit that I can't quite remember.

Who knows? It may turn out that being crazy is the new way of thriving in this mad mad world...