Exactly 7 days from now, I will be officially 25. Well... Some of you may think that I m getting old, real old~ Seriously, I dun really give a damn bout my age. To me, it's a chronological figure. Like how Sherilyn put it just now, "I am still young, but you peeps are younger". Hence, it really is a matter of perspective.
What matters more to me than the numerics is how much I have grown, emotionally and mentally. Truth be told, I have been haunted by 2 old ghosts of mine in the past 1 week. They have reminded me of the mistakes I had commited in the past. To a lesser extent, I am still committing one of them now. As for the other one, it remains to be seen... Hai~
Just how many more years do I need before I can eradicate this part of me that I dread so much??? Until I am able to do that, I will never be completely happy. This I am certain, simply because I know I deserve way better.
Thinking back, some people really treated me like dirt. I used to question myself why they did so but I have passed that phase now. When you don't treat yourself with respect, how do you expect others to hold you in high esteem... No one will ever think highly of a soccer team if it keeps losing. The same rule applies to all walks of life.
If I really deserve better, then I must show myself worthy of it. One week isn't really what you would call a long time but I feel it may well be a turning point. A turning point to show pple what I truly am and capable of doing. Hopefully, all the wisdom and experiences I have garnered at the age of 24 could be the catalyst...
One More Week...
Si Tong...
So what exactly happened on that day???
I met Wendy for movie on fri(2/1/2009). We watched Yes Man and I must say it's a rather nice movie. Being a comedy, it's actually quite a meaningful one. After which, we went Little India and chilled at an Australian Pub. Having had a long day, I told Wendy that I needed to go home earlier and rest. I did just that and hell! it's a decision that I will never regret for the rest of my life.
Shortly after bathing, my elder bro told me that my sis-in-law's waterbag had burst and he's gonna send her to the hospital. Without hesitation, I told him I wanted to tag along and witness the birth of my niece. Well... Truth be told, I didn't really get to witness it but I managed to be the 3rd person to have spoken to my niece. I was also mistaken to be the husband coz I accompanied my sis-in-law into the delivery suite and later chased out after my identity was exposed. Lol!!! The 4 hours of waiting was well worth given the euphoria I experienced when I saw my niece for the first time.
Honestly, I didn't have to go the length of going to the hospital and wait. I could have visited my sis-in-law and my niece the next day. However, my excitement got the better of me. I simply couldn't contain it. The surge to see her asap was so great that words are impotent to describe. I wanted to tell her that I am gonna quit smoking for her. Although I have yet to really achieve that, I think I am not far away. I am only smoking like 1 stick a day for crying out loud!!!
As much as I dun look like it, there's no denying that I love kids. Seeing how cute my niece is, how can I possibly not adore her?!?!?! She is like an angel that has just stepped into my life, rejuvenating every cell and essence running through my body. Every single day, I just feel like going home as early as possible so I can see more of her. The very sight of her calms my soul. I hope everyone in the family can see you through my eyes and put their differences aside. This is the very least they can do coz you really really deserve it, Si Tong...
2009, Are You Gonna Be Different???
As of now, I'm 3 hours into a new year, 2009. For the past couple of years, I had been setting myself resolutions that I wasn't able to keep. Somehow, my instincts tell me that 2009 is gonna be different. Maybe the beginning of a new life, a breathe of freshness.
Personally, I feel I have grown in leaps and bounds towards the back end of 2008. It might not be palpable to outsiders but I know for certain that my maturity has gone up a notch in a few aspects. There are many areas now that I am looking in a more positive light, which is beneficial to my emotional well-being.
To pinpoint the reason behind this improvement is hard. I, myself, dun really know for sure. However, there are a couple of factors that I can probably attribute this remarkable change on - the breakup with Mei and "Tuesdays with Morrie".
I have learnt to appreciate my family and friends more. I wish to be their pillar of strength when they wanna be strong; I wish to be their guiding light when they are lost; I wish to be their bundle of fun when they are bored; I wish to be their solace when they are down. This is no mean feat considering the diversity of family and friends I have. I will still try nonetheless.
In order to help others, I need myself to be strong and determined. So far, my mental toughness has been my achilles heel. Without it, I cannot fulfill my aspirations. Stepping into 2009, I have encountered my first test. Under the most unlikely of circumstances, I have developed some feelings for this particular girl. Due to some reasons, I have to keep my feelings in check. I have too many other stuff to contend with so any additional emotional baggage or commitment is a big no no. It's one of those scenarios that you have to take a step back to move two steps forward.
Well... On the surface, she seems like a nice girl. It's a pity that I can't follow my heart coz there are too many more important factors I have to consider. Having said so, would I be able to withstand the temptation??? This only time will tell...