Boredom kills.......or so it's said to be. Nah~ To me it doesn't but it certainly weakened my resolve. Hai~ I did something that I really shouldn't have done.
Slacking at Ah Da's place with nothing else to do, I inexplicably had the urge to msg her and eventually I did. Why did I even change my handphone number in the first place!!! I wanted to shut her out of my life and there I was letting her in again. Tio tio tio....
It really got me thinking. As much as I enjoy my singlehood, there are times when I would feel lonely and bored, and really need a companion. I do have friends that I could hang out and spend time with. However, the feel is really different if you know what I mean. Imagine if I had a gf, I would most likely not be at Ah Da's place, probably spending time with her and given how faithful a bf I could be, there's no chance of me msging her!
Omg!!! There I go again ranting about how much I need someone... Maybe I do, maybe I don't. The thing is, I know I am not ready to have one simply bcoz I don't have enough time and money. I need time for school, tuitions, family, friends and myself. Throw in a gf and there goes my sleep. I need money for retail therapy, class 2B lessons and eventually class 3, grad trip, family trip, my food and chloe's food, some other miscellaneous expenses. Add in expenses on my gf and I can say goodbye to my retail therapy, grad and family trips, class 2B and class 3 lessons. When you put everything into perspective, it's really hard to find that someone accomodating enough to settle down with. That's why I have been incessantly telling myself that having a gf is like the least of my priorities. Inevitably, this resolve has also been weakened with the very existence of this entry.
Sometimes I really do wonder how Mendi managed to survive his 25 years of mundane life without ever having a gf. Perhaps the recent LSB visits did soothe his pain a lil. Lol!!! At the very least, he gotta know how it feels like to TNN and make full use of his large fingers. Hahahah!!! Mendi, pls dun kill me... I am simply too bored, that's all...
Weakened Resolve...
21/12/2012...
Come 21/12/2012, would I still be able to sit in front of my laptop and comfort of my own home posting entry?!?!?!?!
I suppose no one could answer this question as we are merely humans. But why this date? Well... For those that are still ignorant or oblivious to the prophecy, this date is deemed to be DOOMSDAY!!!
If you ask me if I believe in it, I would consider myself to be sitting on the fence. Frankly speaking, most of us have heard of other prophecies over the past decade and apparently, none of them has come true. However, this one is somewhat different. It kinda coincides with the end of Mayan calendar and the peak of Solar activity. I even saw an article on the papers reporting on NASA's revelation on the likely impact that the solar flares might caused in 2012.
It got me thinking. Is it even worth studying or working now when you know the world might be coming to an end? I really dun wanna waste time doing stuff that ultimately you know would count for nothing. Then again, who can be sure... As long as it hasn't happened, we have no choice but to do what we do or are supposed to do simply because of the likelihood that it might not happen.
At the very least, even if it does happen, I am not afraid. In fact, I am kinda excited. Can you imagine! It's something like what you see in "Armageddon"! Imagine myself saying on national television, "I'm speaking to you not as a citizen of Singapore, not as a student of SP, not as your fren from GMH/Tummy Gang, but as a member of humanity. We are faced with a catastrophe so great that none has ever witnessed throughout the history of mankind; so devastating that it would wipe out the whole of humanity. God speed to all of you...."
I have always imagined myself hugging the one I love when the day comes. You know... "Till death do us part" that sort of thing. Since I don't really have a partner that I love right now, I guess my fantasy won't come true. Then again, there are many other stuff that I wanna do and couldn't have done if Doomsday isn't coming. For example, I wanna punch all those that I hate or dislike right in their faces. Maybe even cripple them. Lol!!!!!!!! Of course the list goes on and on but I can't be too explicit if not, the police might just pay me a visit sooner rather than later.
According to the prophets, we still have approximately 3 and a half years to live so why worry about something that we have no control over. I say we should just live life, get paid and get laid...
God Sent. . . . .
Have you ever felt there's someone in your life that you were destined to meet??? I certainly do. In fact, there are so many of them; my GMH members, My Tummy Gang members, some DBA09 mates, Bro Edward, Benny, Wendy, 9AMB army buddy, Lucas, even Huishan and Mei.
Most of them have a positive influence and are of utmost importance to me. They have seen me fall and pick myself up over and over again through these years and relentlessly lending a helping hand; and some even went through thick and thin with me. I call these pple the "Untouchables". Their position in my heart will never ever be replaced. If need be, I am more than willing to put my life on the line for their sake. Definitely, my GMH and Tummy Gang members along with Bro Edward and Benny belong to the "Untouchables".
After the "Untouchables", I have the 2nd tier of DBA09 mates, Wendy, Lucas and 9AMB buddy. These peeps are also held very close to my heart. Any closer, they would be in the "Untouchables" category.
Unfortunately, Huishan and Mei are the 2 that I would rather not have met. The former left a cut so deep that it can never be healed completely and the latter contrived to pour salt on it. I suppose I won't be able to forget them simply due to the scar and pain they had inflicted on me.
Well... Like I have mentioned many times before, God always have the knack of playing games with us. For all the misery, God bestowed upon me my FMUS1 to soothe the pain and lighten the scar. She belongs to the heavenly realm of "God sent" above the "Untouchables". Just like how Sher described her bestie. FMUS1 has always been my female bestie but maybe all along, she has been more than that. Underneath the tough exterior, FMUS1 is as sweet as strawberry chocolate. Lol!!! FMUS1, I hope you like the metaphor.
Over the course of our relatively short friendship of ard 5 years, I have been blessed with lil gifts from my FMUS1 that meant a hell lot. A few years back when I tore my knee ligament, she gave me a miniature cushion Rugby 7 nations ball. Truth be told, it isn't so much to do with the ball, it is the words that were written on it. Words of encouragement to pull me out of the deepest and darkest abyss of self-pity.
Of course, there were also others like "Tuesdays with Morrie" and "Numero 2" diary. I shan't go further if not I might just get too emo and tear. I just might....
Just wanna post the pic of my FMUS1's latest interpretation of our friendship...
"Mondays with Psycho" Chapter 3 - Societal Stereotypes (Edited)
To be honest, my internship has drained the zest out of me. I don't really feel like doing anything, not even blogging. I just feel like lazing in front of my laptop and watch movie after movie to rest my tired body and soul. But... I have to satisfy my readers. As much as I wanna watch movie right now, I know I have the duty to update my blog for whoever that might have an interest, even if it's only one person. Therefore, I shall continue my "Mondays with Psycho" with chapter 3.
As I had promised, chapter 3 will be on societal stereotype. An idea given to me by Sherilyn, my partner in crime at VATit Pte Ltd. Lol!!!!!
In short, societal stereotype is the perception of a person on the basis of a society's norm. Since the day you were born, you would have been immersed in the values of your society. These values are subconsciously instilled into your mind throughout the many phases of life. However, these values aren't permanent, they could be changed under the influence of external factors.
Frankly speaking, although my family is rather dysfunctional, I can say my upbringing is rather conventional until I reached the age of 12. My mom is kinda conservative in her thinking which is pretty much in tandem to the normal asian culture. During my younger years, she was the one inculcating me with the do's and don'ts, right and wrong. Sadly, the guidance came to an abrupt halt when my parents got divorced when I was 12. After which, it was really learn as you grow for me given the fact that I hav a father who cannot care less.
I can still recall vividly that one day when I was looking through my father's belongings in his car when I was ard 14. I managed to find this box of condom and you can never imagine what my father said to me at that very moment. "Ah ren, yao yong cai na, mei you yong jiu fang hui ju." In english, he told me to take only if I need it, if not, put it back. In case any of you are wondering, I didn't take it back then.
Apart from my father, I suppose my liking for english sitcoms has a hand in moulding my character as well. The westerners have always been more liberal than asians and consequentially, so am I compared to most of my peers. Not forgetting to mention that my younger sis is also a lesbian. All these attributed to why I deviate from the norm in many aspects of life.
To me, I feel it's perfectly fine to be wit someone of different races, with a large age gap or even attached or married. My 2nd gf is a malay and my most recent one is 8 years my senior. She was still married when we first started for crying out loud!!! But do I really care?!?! Fricking no!!!! As far as I am concerned, if you like someone, there should be no barriers too great. Do you think likewise? I really doubt so. The most common perception would be that of I was a toyboy living off my older gf. Well... You are entitled to think in whatever ways you like. As long as I know that's not the case, I really dun giv a damn bout what you think.
To a certain extent, my FMUS1 faced a similar sort of problem when she was wit Indian a.k.a Dey. Hahaha!!! Being a chinese having an indian BF, it definitely attracted stares. If I am not mistaken, her dad wasn't really supportive of the cross-racial relationship. Did that stop her from being with Indian?!?! Nope! For that, I kow-tow to her. They had genuine feelings for each other so why not. Stop being a racist and you will open the door to more options.
Relationships aside, appearance is the one thing that gets the most stereotypes. And let me tell you, I am no stranger to that. Just last week alone, I had my auntie telling my cousin that I looked like a "cha bo" coz I was carrying a tote bag; and my army fren's gf asking if I am normal coz of the yellow v-necked top I wore and the movies I had watched recently and am going to watch soon. Is a tote only for ladies? Is a romantic comedy gay? Is it not possible for a man to be sentimental and tear when watching a sad movie? Is wearing a yellow v-necked top effeminate when your favourite colour is yellow and the v-necked collar accentuates your neckline? They could have laboured me as flamboyant, metrosexual, sentimental and sensitive. Apparently, they did not coz all that I had just mentioned were deviances to their perceived norms. Like I said, I have a lesbian sister and I ever worked in the retail line so I get to interact with pple with loads of flair. Sometimes, pple just need to step out of their small tiny boxes and get to see the world in a more vibrant way.
Ironically, I cannot understand how some pple can see me as a gay and some see me as an Ah Beng. From my personal opinion, these 2 cannot match. One being more sophisticated and the other being more vulgar. I do admit I can look rather fierce at times due to my features and complexion. However, if you really know me, you can see how different I am from an Ah Beng. Miles apart, I have to say. I hardly use expletives and I am too smart to be one. Then again, my appearance paints the image of one so pple perceive me as one.
It never ceases to astonish me how many different ways pple could perceive me to be. The bottomline is, those are just societal stereotypes. Not exactly what I truly am.
I have been going on and on and on about how pple tend to stereotype. Being a victim of those stereotypes, I used myself as an example. Truth be told, I am also guilty of stereotyping. As humans, stereotyping is somewhat part and parcel of life. It's really quite unavoidable when you get to see pple that are different from you. The thing is, it doesn't matter whether you stereotype or not, it is more of how often you stereotype and to what degree.
The more exposure you get, the greater the experience and knowledge. With an open mind, you tend to acclimatize faster and easier with changes which lessens the tendency to stereotype. So for those out there who stereotype very often, here is a piece of advice for you. Step out of your mundane life and experience what living is like. At least, this is what I am trying to do...
Identical Twins...
Pple normally associate twins to be identical. On the contrary, my brother and I are far from it. We really have nothing in common except maybe our laughter. Some of my frenz even used to label us the devil and the saint. Lol!!! No prizes for guessing who's the devil and who's the saint.
Truth be told, I am glad my brother and I are rather different. If there's somebody else in the world that resembles you a lot, you won't be that unique already rite. In spite of what I have mentioned, there were actually occasions that I wished my brother is an identical twin of mine. I suppose most of us ever encountered moments where we really wanna split ourselves into two. You know what I mean! Like you need to cover two places or meet two different persons almost at the same time.
Hai~ I'm facing a dilemma now and I have a feeling no matter which option I take, it's gonna be cui cui... I have really shot myself in the foot this time round. Ah du ah, ah du~ Why are you so different from me???? If not, you could have eased my selection problem a hell lot.
I am keeping my fingers crossed for now. Who knows? Maybe things will pan out in such a way that work in my favour. Amitabha, amitabha....
"Mondays with Psycho" Chapter 2 - Relationships
Chapter 2, chapter 2... I was deliberating between my Fmus1's and Sherilyn's suggestions earlier on and couldn't really decide on which one to write about. If not for my Fmus1's current predicament, I would have gone with Sher's suggestion. Since all constructive suggestions are given consideration, my next chapter will be on Sher's suggestion k. So let us now start proper on Chapter 2...
Relationships... It's such a fascinating thing that never ceases to amaze me. I have always believe it to be building blocks of our lives. Even on the day you are born, a relationship is already being forged and that's none other than kinship with your family. As you go through different phases of your life, other relationships - friendship, comradeship, boy-girl relationship, matrimonial relationship - are also being forged along the way. From a personal perspective, I feel these relationships have a hand in moulding one's character. Considering my Fmus1's predicament as well as my elder sis's, I will narrow the scope of this chapter to the latter 2 relationships.
Like the term suggests, a boy-girl relationship is one between a boy/man and a girl/woman. Well... With homosexuality being prevalent, the line is somewhat blurred. This form of relationship can exist between a boy/man and boy/man or a girl/woman and girl/woman. Basically, we call these people gays or lesbians. Before I proceed, I have to reiterate that I have no prejudice against homosexuals k. Now we shall continue...
Have you ever wondered why we, humans, always have the tendency to fall into such a relationship even though we know how much the disputes, betrayal and breakups can hurt us??? Honestly, this question has been baffling me since I experienced my first heartbreak. Why can't we just behave like animals, have sex and reproduce!?!? I mean we are primitively no different from animals. Who the hell caused evolution!!!!!!!!
Hai~ I suppose there's no point ranting when we are already what we are. Since it is rather inevitable for us to fall into a relationship, isn't it better to think of ways of making it work rather than asking why it doesn't...
Frankly speaking, I have only had 4 gfs my entire life and only 2 of those can be considered as serious so I am really no relationship guru. I am just some random guy shedding light on what I think may make a relationship tick. However, if you think what I am about to type is just a shitload of crap, pls proceed to the top right hand corner of your screen and click on the X button.
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Good riddance! to those who think too highly of themselves. For those who are still with me, thanks for staying and I hope my 2 cents worth of advice is helpful in a way or another.
First and foremost, it is imperative for us to determine the elements of a healthy relationship. In my opinion, they are love, trust, communication and understanding. The lack of any one of them can prove to be detrimental to the relationship. In order for a relationship to be strong, there must be love involved. Love is something very subjective; some pple may perceive it as a huge infatuation while others may perceive it as a total submission of life and freedom. As for me, I see it as a longing for someone; caring for that someone; devoting yourself to that someone and respecting that someone. Hence, if your perception of love is a balanced and rational one, you have every chance of building a strong foundation to the relationship provided the other party shares the same sentiment.
No matter how strong the foundation is, it can still be eroded away without trust, communication and understanding. Imagine a relationship without trust... Every single day, you would be living in paranoia. The deeper you love the other party, the more paranoid you get. Even before you realise, the manifestation of suspicion and paranoia has already started eating off at the relationship.
Apart from distrust, disputes and differences can also be as damaging. Like I have always said, we live in a highly developed and civilised society and there's no reason why we should behave like barbarians to resolve matters. Even if you dun scream and throw punches to resolve matters like barbarians, keeping mum isn't really doing the relationship any favours either. Maybe normal service would resume after a few days of cold war, with all the dirt brushed under the carpet. But make no mistake that one fine day, the old ghost will come back and haunt you. It's really very simple. Imagine yourselve being a time bomb. Whenever there is a cold war, one party will have to swallow his/her pride and make the first move in appeasing the other party. As this vicious cycle repeats itself time and time again, you can relate the built up grievance in either parties to the ticking of a time bomb. It's really only a matter of which party has a lower threshold and explodes first.
That brings me to communication and understanding. Speaking from my own experience, my ex gf is the sort who keeps mum when she's not happy with something and will pull a long face for the rest of the day. Throughout my estimated 1 year relationship wit her, I hardly raised my voice when she gave me attitude, maybe only the once or twice when she really stepped over the line. To me, there's no need to act in this manner when we can resolve matter in a cultured way. That's why, almost every time I noticed an issue arising, I would sit her down and talk to her in a good way hoping that she would get the message. No matter whose fault it was, I always held the belief that we ought to communicate and reach a common understanding so that the same problem wouldn't crop up again. Hai~ Unfortunately, most of the time, I was just talking to a block of wood. So when one party isn't receiving and giving, the communication will inevitably breakdown and there goes the understanding.
After discussing all the elements, I have to admit it's easier said than done. But if you think about it, when you are not even willing to give it a go, then why in the first place do you wanna start a relationship?!?!
When a relationship is deemed to be stable, a couple would normally proceed to the next stage, marriage. More often than not, couples fail to realise the underlying problems in their relationships and rush into a marriage. If a relationship is hard to sustain, a marriage is even more so. In addition to the aforementioned elements, a marriage warrants more responsibility and commitment.
Sad to say, divorce has somewhat become more and more a norm this days. Vows count for nought... Usually, it's a case of problems in the relationship being brought forward into the marriage. As you can see, the two have a very strong correlation. I would like to see the relationship before marriage as the foundations of marriage.
Take my elder sis for example, she was rushed into the marriage with my bro-in-law for a reason that I think needs no spelling out. They were only in courtship for less than a year and truth be told, they hadly knew each other. The lack of communication didn't help matters and after ard 18 years of marriage, the situation has deteriorated beyond salvage. To my elder sis, my bro-in-law is just some guy living under the same roof that she can no longer communicate with, understand and trust. As much as she wanted to salvage the marriage, there's only this lil that one party could do when the other party couldn't care less.
The bottomline is, never rush into a relationship or even more so a marriage when both parties aren't ready. My sister committed a mistake out of folly and she's living to regret it. Being close to her, it pains me to see her in her current state. If it were up to me, I would rather she take up the other option back then and not marry my bro-in-law. She's such a nice person, responsible mother, doting sister and she obviously deserves better.
Of course if we are not talking about a serious relationship or marriage, then there's no need to bother about what I've typed so far. In my dictionary, the appropriate word to use would be fling. I've had my fair share of flings and they were certainly fun. Like no strings attached and stuff, no worries no nothing. But how long can you fling around and not settle down? We are not immortals. We age and we die eventually. It's only a matter of time when you know you have to start taking relationships seriously and when that day comes, you could maybe reflect on what I've mentioned in this entry and who knows, it may just work for you...
Some pics to share...
Before I embark on another lengthy wordy post, below are some pics for your viewing pleasure...
Mini 25th birthday celebration at my twin brother's gf's house (For those who haven't known, the guy wearing black tank top is my twin brother)
My slightly grown-up niece. Isn't she just gorgeous! So so so cute.................
